Step Family Day raises awareness for blended families

One in three Americans is now a stepparent, a stepchild, a step sibling, or member of a blended family. That's a big change from the 'Leave it to Beaver' days. The fact is; the traditional nuclear family (families where both parents are married and live together) is on the decline, from 45 percent of households in 1960 to 23 percent this year. Sept. 16 is National Step Family Day, which raises awareness for this growing demographic of families.

The concept of step families originally developed from the joining of a couple who have children from a previous relationship. Upon marriage, the couple focused on merging the two families together. As time has passed, the concept of a stepfamily has evolved. Not all remarriages result in only blending children from previous relationships. Sometimes there are children created during the new union. This lends itself to the concept of a Blended Family.

Blended families take focus and effort that doesn't occur in nuclear families. Not only do the parents require a focus on the marital relationship, but also the children and parents need to develop relationships and set expectations.

"The dance of a stepparent is to know when to manage a situation and when to back away and have the parent intervene," said Teresa Petersen Mendoza, MS, a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Family SOS in Geneva. A stepmother herself, she also coaches families on how to navigate blended family dynamics.

The process of integrating a family is complex enough. It can be further complicated by those outside the blended family, including relatives, the children's other parent or educational and social systems. By creating a vision of the blended family and learning when to adjust expectations, Blended Families can move beyond merging and thrive. This may take help from a trained family therapist or coach.

Mendoza recommends celebrating Step Family Day with your blended family.

• Create a special tradition that is meaningful to your family.

• Have a special family dinner.

• Set up time to do an activity together. Focus on activities your kids will enjoy.

• One movie which may be fun to see together and discuss is "Blended" with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore.

• Enhance communication by creating an open-door policy for questions and concerns.

• Take a moment as a couple and appreciate the hard work that has gotten you to this point. Appreciation of each other's roles and reconnection as a couple will help enhance the blended family experience for everyone.

For more information about Family SOS or to reach Mendoza, please contact (630) 710-9659 or email Teresa@FamilySOSinc.com. With over 20 years of experience working with families and organizations, Mendoza provides proactive, strategic support to families and individuals as well as training and education to organizations and groups.