Mom shares thoughts, advice about kids playing football

Between the regular season and the playoffs, I bet I've seen well over 200 high school football games in my 12 years at the Daily Herald, maybe even closer to 250.

Unless the weather is horrific, or the teams pass the ball 60 times while I'm on deadline, I usually enjoy the experience.

But here's the thing: I've realized that I enjoy it because I'm watching other people's children. Not my own.

The Illinois state playoffs will kick off next week, and for many fans of high school football, it's the best time of the year.

There's drama, there's intrigue, there's suspense.

And that's just during the IHSA pairings show, which will air on Saturday night (8 p.m. WPWR Channel 50 and CN100).

The games themselves are also usually one heck of a fantastic roller coaster ride.

I've always wondered all these years if the parents of the players, particularly the mothers, can really enjoy the experience as much as others in the stands do.

Think about it.

There you sit with the other parents, the other moms, huddled in your giant coats, your fuzzy blankets, clutching your hot chocolate in between rings of the cowbell. And you cheer and cheer, all while watching your son get chased, pushed, pulled, knocked down, hit, twisted and sometimes downright pulverized.

I have a hard time with that.

I have seen some whopper hits in my 12 years. I've seen ambulances called to the field. I've watched as players lay still after a big hit, for what seems like an eternity.

And I'm always wondering about the moms.

It's not easy for me to simply picture my own son enduring such physical punishment. I can't even imagine what it would be like if I had to watch the real thing.

I might have to soon, though.

My son Matthew, who will be 9 in February, is in third grade. He takes after me and loves basketball. But lately, he's developing a strong, passionate interest in football, to the point where he plays every day at recess with the football he carries to school. He's so intrigued by the game that he even draws up plays on loose-leaf notebook paper when there's a break in the action in class.

He also loves to come with me to games, watch the Bears on TV and cheer on his friends who play in the local youth leagues.

With so many of his friends now playing, Matty wants to play, too. And he's been bugging me all fall to let him join next year.

I keep putting him off, but he wants an answer.

I want to say no because I'm afraid, afraid that he'll get hurt; afraid that he'll like football so much that he'll keep going with it right into high school and then I'll really have something to be afraid of.

But know this: I am not soft.

I once got tripped up on the basketball court, smacked mouth first onto the hardwood, knocked out two teeth and broke my nose, left the game to stop the bleeding and then returned minutes later to help my team get the W, all while playing with gauze stuffed up my nose and the exposed nerves of my broken teeth wincing every time I took in a breath of air.

I also played coed flag football while I was dating my husband. Ask him. I wasn't afraid to mix it up with the guys. He'll also probably tell you I was the most reliable and aggressive wide receiver on the team.

But when it comes to my son and my daughter Kelsey, all bets are off. I am a Class A Worry Wart by nature. And when it comes to my kids, I'm that times 100. Or more.

I mean, I'm one of the few moms in the neighborhood who still makes my kids wear bike helmets. And, with few exceptions, they are usually not allowed to leave our yard when they're playing outside.

Watching my son play football-well, that's going to be tough for me.

My question is, am I the only one? Did other football moms want to say no at first, too?

So this week I went out and found some football moms to quiz and, guess what, I'm not the only worrier. I've actually found a bit of comfort in the fact that it's tough for pretty much every football mom out there. Over time, though, they tell me that it is possible to let go of those fears, to have faith that everything will be all right, and to ultimately share in the enjoyment your son experiences when he's doing something he really loves.

While I still haven't made up my mind about football for next year, I think I might be starting to lean in Matty's favor. Here's some advice from a few moms that might help me decide. Maybe it will help you, too.

"After my brother died in Vietnam, the one thing I learned is that you can't stop living. And when you're always worrying, you can't live your life. You could worry about injury in any sport. My daughter split open her face in soccer, she broke bones. Injuries are going to happen, and actually, you get far more protection in football than in most any other sport. The thing people worry about with football is neck injuries. You don't want your kid to be the statistic. I'm not going to say I didn't worry a little bit. I prayed and I held my cross in my hands during games and I watched closely to make sure he got off the pile. Some of it's a matter of faith. But you also know your kid loves it and so that helped me enjoy it. Now that my kids aren't playing, I miss it. I really miss it."

- Martha Kuceyeski, wife of Libertyville football coach Randy Kuceyeski and mother of former Wildcats John and Kristen. Kristin was the team's kicker.

"I was never going to let my boys play. Football was too dangerous. But my husband played football in high school, he watched it on TV and my kids started getting interested. I told my husband, 'You're brainwashing them!' Eventually, I gave in and told them they could play and I've gone from the mom who didn't want anything to do with football to being on the league's board of directors. Now, we're the family that revolves everything around football. We just saw how much fun the boys were having and how many positive experiences they were having, how they were learning about teamwork and leadership and working hard. It's been so great for my boys. Sure, when there's a big hit, your heart drops, you get nervous and you wait to see if you can see your son's feet moving at the bottom of the pile. But I even checked with my pediatrician and he was fine with football. He said he couldn't tell me how many kids came in who got kicked in the head playing soccer. But at least in football you're protected."

- Jan Petersen, a Gurnee mother of three boys, Logan, 13, Jackson, 10 and Tucker, 8, all of whom play in the Chicagoland Youth Football League, which has 10,000 participants in 31 communities and even streams its game of the week on the Internet.

"One of our worst fears came true when Justin hurt his knee (last week). My stomach was in knots when I saw what happened. That's why you worry, and I think I've worried every day since my boys started football. But you don't want to stand in their way of something they love and you don't want to be so worried that you can't enjoy it. I will always worry but I really do try to enjoy the game. You know, things get going and you get into the game and you forget about worrying. For a little bit."

- Cheryl Cokefair, mother of former Grant Bulldog Jimi Cokefair and current Grant quarterback Justin Cokefair, who tore up his knee in last week's game against Vernon Hills and watched from the sidelines on crutches.

pbabcockmcgraw@dailyherald.com