We've come a long way since 'Ellen,' just not far enough
Eleven years ago, I was sitting in a Roselle living room with a bunch of suburbanites watching the "shocking" TV episode of "Ellen" where Ellen DeGeneres' character actually -- gasp -- said she was gay.
That really does seem a millennium ago, doesn't it?
On Mother's Day, the ABC TV show "Brothers & Sisters" featured two men pledging their love to each other in a full-fledged ceremony that ended with a sweet kiss -- and it wasn't even the grand finale, just a regular old part of the plot.
"It was amazing, because 11 years ago, people gathered in their room to watch 'Ellen,' and all she did was accidentally turn around and say, 'I'm gay' in front of a microphone," remembers Barbara Schon-Lundberg, editor of the suburban newsletter for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). "And now, they were kissing and there wasn't an uproar. … They had a wedding, and it was so beautiful. There were so many things that just touched my heart."
People are far more accepting of gays on TV today.
"From the time Ellen came out, as far as what goes on TV now, it's certainly lightened up a lot," agrees Shelley Carlson of Lake Barrington. A mom and PFLAG leader, Carlson says she loved the normalcy of the gay couple in "Brothers & Sisters."
"I think more and more, they realize they don't have to make gay people clowns," Carlson says, recalling the over-the-top, flamboyant, sex-obsessed gay characters such as Jack on "Will and Grace."
"When we watched Ellen, it (homosexuality) was really the main issue on the show," says Dennis Blaha, a PFLAG dad who was living in Elk Grove Village then. "This ('Brothers & Sisters') was like, 'oh yeah, these two guys are getting married.' … The other thing I liked is that it was two guys who were in love. It wasn't about sex."
That doesn't mean everything is hunky-dory for gays in the 21st century.
"I'm kind of amazed at how much it's changed considering we still have the backlash," says Donna Blaha, who, with her husband, now lives in Florida, where some legislators are trying to write laws to make sure gays don't have the same rights as heterosexuals.
The TV ceremony brought back memories for Marilyn Keller of Niles, who went to San Francisco to see her son marry his longtime partner in 2004 during a brief window before the courts negated same-sex marriage.
"We got back to their home for a little reception when the court ruling came down," Keller says. "So we put on our walking shoes and we marched to the courthouse."
PFLAG has gone through a similar change during the years. Originally a support group to help people cope with the prospect of gay loved ones, the organization has morphed into an activist group.
"That's what's kind of exciting about the change from 'Ellen' to now," says Keller, whose gay son and his partner have two kids. "I see parents are not as sad as they were many years ago. Support is still there, but there are so few parents who come in crying."
While attitudes have changed, the reality has not.
"I don't want a wedding, but I want equality," says Jens Hussey, who lives with his partner in Oak Park.
"Legally, nothing has changed," Carlson says. "My son had a commitment ceremony about 14 years ago. As far as that goes, I don't see a lot of difference. … There's still so much prejudice going on -- in all aspects. It's not just the gay thing."
It's going to take time.
"We had civil rights legislation in the '60s, and we still have a lot of racism," Donna Blaha notes.
On May 21, American Civil Liberties Union Illinois (www.aclu-il.org) and the Human Rights Campaign (www.hrc.org) will take volunteers (meeting at 5:45 a.m. in Schaumburg) to Springfield to lobby in support of civil unions in Illinois. For information, visit those Web sites or one of the suburban PFLAG chapters (Aurora, Glenview, Palatine, Hinsdale, Oak Park, Woodstock, Wheaton) at www.pflagchicago.com.
Progress is possible. After all, that Ellen has done pretty well for herself since 1997.