Adoption is a difficult, but loving decision

November is National Adoption Month, a time to acknowledge the people in this country whose lives have been impacted by adoption and celebrate families who grew through adoption.

Every adoption is unique. No one has the same story or the same circumstances. Many adoption stories also include an element of loss and/or grief, but maintaining connections with children's birth families and building on-going relationships through open adoptions can help.

Tiffany and Jenna always knew they wanted a family. After getting married, they considered their options and eventually decided to pursue adoption.

The couple was referred to Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois' (LCFS) adoption services to conduct their home study and guide them through their adoption journey.

"Having never adopted before, LCFS seemed like a trusted place to go through, and since it was also an LGBTQ-friendly place, we felt really good about that," said Tiffany. "Our LCFS adoption social worker Laurie was really welcoming and knowledgeable. There were a lot of ups and downs to our adoption. We'd get really anxious, but then we'd talk to her and be okay again."

Tiffany and Jenna connected with an expectant mother in Texas who was pregnant with twins and considering an adoption plan for them. They began to build a relationship with her via text, email and occasional phone calls.

Tiffany explained that "as prospective adoptive parents you have to be supportive of what the birth mom is going through emotionally in order to create a bond. We had to remember that this was one of the hardest moments in her life, while it was one of the most exciting in ours."

The twins' expected due date was in January, but on Christmas Day Tiffany and Jenna received a text from the birth mom saying she was going in for an emergency C-section. The couple scrambled to make last-minute travel arrangements and headed for Texas.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Tiffany and Jenna learned that the birth mother had decided to parent her newborn daughter, but wanted to proceed with the adoption plan for the twin brother.

"It was a roller coaster of emotion. We were devastated, but hoped through our open adoption that we could facilitate a relationship at least," shared Tiffany.

Tiffany and Jenna finally got to meet their son, whom they named Maverick, and began the bonding process. Approximately 4 weeks later, the couple were able to bring their son home.

They continued to stay in touch with Maverick's birth mom via periodic texts as part of their open adoption relationship. During those communications, they'd also ask how their son's twin sister Bonnie was doing. Then about nine months after the twins were born, Tiffany received a text message from the birth mother asking if the couple would take Bonnie.

"I was concerned if Bonnie was okay and wondering if something had happened," said Tiffany. "I was at work, but I tried to remain calm and called the birth mom to find out what the situation was. She said that Bonnie was fine, but that she couldn't take care of her and asked if we would. So I told her we'd figure it out together."

After getting off the phone with the twins' birth mom, Tiffany called her LCFS social worker Laurie who helped talk her through the steps of what needed to be done in order for the couple to adopt Bonnie.

"We needed an emergency update to our home study done, and Laurie expedited everything so quickly and jumped through so many hoops," Tiffany explained "We felt so loved and supported by her."

Two weeks later, Tiffany flew back to Texas and met the twins' birth mom, who asked Tiffany to begin caring for Bonnie right away. Jenna flew down the next day with Maverick, and the brother and sister were reunited for the first time since birth. It took time, but eventually Bonnie's adoption was finalized and the happy family returned home together.

The twins are now just under 2 years old and are thriving together with their adoptive moms. Tiffany and Jenna have a simple hope for them, "We want them to be good people who are happy, feel loved and have the answers they need to feel okay with their adoption. We tell them often that they were adopted, but that they are truly wanted and that it was a loving decision by their birth mom."

To learn more about Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois' adoption services, visit www.lcfs.org/adoption.

About Lutheran Child and Family Services of Illinois

Lutheran Children and Family Services of Illinois (LCFS) is a non-profit dedicated to nurturing and strengthening children and families in need. After 150 years, LCFS has grown into one of the largest community-based child welfare and adoption agencies in Illinois. LCFS has regional sites in Chicagoland area, Belleville, Decatur, Joliet, Kankakee, Mt. Vernon, Oak Brook, Oakbrook Terrace, Quincy and Springfield. For more information, visit www.lcfs.org.