Author coming to Naperville Central to offer tips on helping kids survive

Naperville students will have a chance this week to drop any bad habits they developed over the summer and learn better ones.

Author Sean Covey, who penned "The 7 Habits of Happy Kids" and "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens" will be in town for a handful of appearances.

Covey will speak and sign copies of his books at 7 p.m. Monday at Naperville Central High School, 440 W. Aurora Ave.

Tickets are $5 and can be purchased at the door or in advance at Anderson's Bookshop, 123 W. Jefferson Ave., or any Harris Bank Naperville location. Proceeds will benefit KidsMatter.

Covey's books are based on the seven habits his father, Stephen Covey, made famous in "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People."

Sean Covey writes about the same seven habits - be proactive, begin with the end in mind, put first things first, think win-win, seek to understand then be understood, synergize and sharpen the saw - but adapts them to children and teens.

His latest books, "Just the Way I Am" and "When I Grow Up," are picture books that each focus on a single habit.

During his time in Naperville, Covey also will speak with groups of first- and eighth-graders and will participate in a "Lunch and Learn" event with parents and community leaders who work with area youth.

Covey's visit was coordinated by a partnership among Anderson's Bookshop, Naperville Unit District 203 and Harris Bank.

He recently spoke with reporters during an interview trhough North Central College's radio station, WONC. This is an edited version of that conversation.

Q. What inspired you to write the kids' and teen's version of your father's book?

A. I think "The 7 Habits of Happy Kids" was inspired by my own kids and all those stories and characters are based on my kids. We're trying to teach things like responsibility and vision and teamwork and those kinds of things.

For example, one of the stories is called "Just the Way I Am." It's about a porcupine who (struggled) in school because his quills look funny and he has to learn to be proactive and not let negative comments ruin his day so he takes responsibility and learns to overcome bullying, which all of us experience at some point. Those are the kinds of lessons we're trying to teach.

The teenage book ... I read my dad's book and I thought this is a great book but it's kind of boring. So I wanted to rewrite it for teenagers so we take these habits like "begin with the end in mind," "think win-win" and "seek first to understand then to be understood" and apply that to being a teenager.

Q. Is it hard to get kids and teen's attention?

A. You just write right to them. The teen book has been a really good seller, it's sold about 4 million copies and it's written directly for teenagers, not for parents. The parents read it if they want to see where kids are coming from.

But all the stories, the language, everything is for the teen and all the experiences are teenagers' ... about friends and dealing with drugs and peer pressure and dating and sex and school and homework and stress, all the issues they're swimming in every day.

Once the kids pick it up and start reading it they get pulled in because it's fun, there's a lot of quizzes, stories, it's not preachy it just talks right to them. Same with the kids' book: it's just stories, they don't know they're learning anything.

Q. Do you find teens or kids are too stressed these days?

A. I think teens in particular. I don't think kids are that much but I think as you get older there is so much stress from a few things.

One is there is a lot of single- family homes increasingly and parents seem to be increasingly busy and spending less time with their kids. That adds stress on kids.

Media expectations, you have to talk a certain way and look a certain way and have a certain body type. That puts stress on kids.

Then you get compared all the time. You play athletics and only some people will start, some people will sit on the bench. You do a standardized test and you're in the 45th percentile of the 65th percentile. You get grades and everybody's on a GPA ranking.

A lot of times kids develop a comparison-based view of the world where how they feel about themselves is how they stack up to other people.

It's ... identity theft because everyone is mentally capable, everyone is as good as everyone else. Those types of issues put a lot of stress on kids. As parents and educators it's so important to constantly be affirming them and not comparing them, not using comparative language but ... appreciating their unique skills and differences.

Q. What's the best piece of advice you have for students?

A. I would say be still and listen to your conscience. This is your gut, these are your instincts, what you feel is right and wrong on the inside. I believe that feeling, that conscience, call it what you will, will lead you right.

Too often we're so wired with technology or music, we always have to have something going on. There's so little time for thinking, contemplating, being still, meditating, that we often lose track of who we are and what we want to do with our lives.

Q. Do you tend to quote the habits to your own kids?

A. My kids, we'll go someplace and someone will say "I read your dad's book it's great, it's changed my life." And I'm like, I wish I could get my own daughter to read it.

We talk about it a lot in the home and I have to be careful not to be too preachy about it. My younger kids read the happy kids book and really like it. Teenagers have skimmed my book. It's kind of a fine line I have to walk.

Q. What was your own worst habit as a teenager?

A. Probably I would say "think win-win." I was very heavily involved in athletics. Any competition has a really good side to it and a dark side. When it comes to athletics, trying to be your best, bringing out the best in people, the Olympic Games, I think competition is very healthy but when it comes to feeling like your self-worth is based on how you stack up to another person, that's where it's destructive.

I had to learn to not be so competitive because I played competitive football and sometime I'd bring that competition mindset to my friendships or my relationships with my brothers and sisters and had to work on that.

Q. What else should people know about your books?

A. These books are a lot of fun and entertaining. When I wrote them I thought I'm competing with MTV and the Internet so I had to make them quick and easy to read and relevant to the issues. If you're a teenager and you're struggling in any way and really want to achieve I think these are really good books for you.

I don't have all the answers but I will tell stories about other kids going through the same thing as these kids. I always say if you're smart you'll learn from your mistakes. If you're really smart you'll learn from the mistakes of other people.

Q. What can we expect from Monday evening's talk?

A. I'm going to share some of my key learnings and try to get some audience participation. I think you can be so much more happy down the road if you make smart choices when you're young. Those teenage years are so formative and you can really blow it as well.

For example you can start smoking without thinking about it and get addicted to nicotine and have a smoking problem your whole life because you didn't think when you were young.

In the same way you can develop a good habit of doing your homework consistently and that can serve you your entire life as well. We'll talk about developing good habits and the long-term impact of those.

Q. What can parents take away from this presentation?

A. I'll talk about parenting and ... probably talk a little bit about the three hats of being a good parent which are the hat of being a coach - teaching through example and word, the hat of a cheerleader - that you need to constantly be affirming your kids because society won't generally, and then the third hat of being a shock absorber and how you need to be steady through the kids' natural ups and downs so they have a solid foundation to build upon.