Cyberbullying a challenge for schools and parents

Somehow, it got around that the DuPage County seventh-grader had given a lap dance to another girl's boyfriend.

The false rumor got back to the girlfriend, who confronted her fellow student a few months ago, asking her to go online that night to talk about it -- and declining to talk about it in person then and there.

Later, behind the safety of her computer screen, the classmate called the girl a "skanky boyfriend stealer." She said her boyfriend -- and everyone else -- actually hated the girl, and she warned that her friends would soon come after the girl.

Those were among the nicer things she said.

For students locally and around the nation, exchanges like these have become all too common. Cyberbullying -- when kids harass, threaten or gossip about each other via Internet or cell phone -- is the fastest-growing form of bullying, experts say.

"This is the new bullying," said Gilda Ross, a guidance counselor at Glenbard West High School in Glen Ellyn. "It's much uglier and much more hurtful."

And adults don't exactly know how to tackle it. In fact, its implications are something legislators, school leaders and parents -- not to mention children themselves -- are only just beginning to comprehend, experts say.

The issue has drawn national attention after two 13-year-olds, one in Vermont and one in Missouri, killed themselves after excessive online bullying. The mother of a classmate was involved in the bullying of the Missouri student.

That case spurred Illinois lawmakers to consider a plan that would make cyberbullying a crime. First-time violators could receive up to a year in prison; repeat offenders could receive more.

Experts say there remains plenty of gray areas in terms of how best to address the problem.

"Cyberbullying is a big, big deal," said Northbrook psychologist Ed Dunkelblau, "one that we're really just getting started on understanding."

Even good kids do it

Olivia Littlehale, an eighth-grader at Hadley Junior High in Glen Ellyn, said she was online once when someone -- later discovered to be a younger student she barely knew -- repeatedly instant-messaged her, calling her names.

"I didn't even know who this person was," she said. "I wrote back 'I don't care.' They wrote, 'Well, you should care, because everyone thinks so.' "

It's schoolyard bullying gone high-tech, often with no adults around to monitor. Online, anonymity is the greatest form of power, allowing even the shyest kid to turn into a bully. Online, it's also harder to get caught. The victim may not even know what's going on, let alone who's involved.

Trying to stop it, then, can be an impossible task, said Teri Schroeder, CEO of i-Safe Inc., a government-funded nonprofit and national leader in Internet safety education.

And the problem is only getting bigger.

According to i-Safe, 52 percent of high school students report being bullied online. That same number said they themselves have bullied online. This could mean saying mean things or arguing, posting negative or funny videos, or spreading gossip.

Thirty-two percent of high school students and 17 percent of fifth- through eighth-graders admit to saying mean or hurtful things online.

Social networking sites are magnets for cyberbullying, where kids can make phony profiles about others or join groups created to tease others.

Cyberbullying is particularly common among junior-high girls, who tend to be more passive-aggressive than boys in dealing with anger, teachers say. High school incidents are more isolated, though more severe when they do occur, said Kitty Murphy, assistant superintendent for student services and special education in Naperville Unit District 203.

A few months ago, some students from Glenbard North and Fremd high schools trashed each other online after a heated football game. Students swarmed fan blogs and posted YouTube videos in a cyberwar that eventually made local headlines.

Cyberbullying happens at the elementary level, too, said Judy Freedman, a social worker at Prairie Elementary in Buffalo Grove. "Kids' technological skills are a lot more advanced and mature than their social and emotional skills," she said.

That's exactly the problem. Aside from the damaging effects they cause their victims, children often don't understand that online bullying can create a permanent record, one that can come back to haunt them when they're seeking a job.

"It's almost like they're incapable of grasping it," Gilda Ross said. "They think it's perfectly OK to say anything they want about a classmate or teacher. We have amazing kids doing amazingly stupid things on the Internet."

Seeking solutions

And there are no easy answers.

Parents often lack the technical know-how to keep up with their kids. Schools are unsure of their role because cyberbullying mostly occurs off school grounds. Can they punish students for something they do at home?

"This ends up coming to school the next day and it affects the learning process," said Phil Morris, technology director with the Kane County Regional Office of Education. "So whether schools want to deal with it or not, they need to."

Many educators and lawmakers believe creating clear penalties will help.

A proposed state law, which has been passed by the Senate and is pending in the House, defines cyberbullying as harassing another person through electronic communication on at least two separate occasions or creating and maintaining a Web site or page that includes a "threat of immediate or future bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement or restraint."

The proposal has not been without its critics. The American Civil Liberties Union of Illinois has opposed an earlier version, saying it lacked an element of objective content. Others have said it's impossible to censor free speech and that being mean to people -- in person or online -- is simply a part of growing up.

Schools step up

All of the state's 873 school districts are required to develop specific policies on bullying. Many towns across the Northwest and West suburbs -- such as Naperville -- have taken it to the next level.

The city police department offers parent awareness classes. Internet safety is a mandatory part of District 203 curriculum. School officials also recently changed the co-curricular code for high-schoolers, with teens caught engaging in inappropriate behavior online being suspended from sports or other school clubs or activities. Incidents will be individually examined.

Libertyville-Vernon Hills Area High School District 128 approved a similar policy in 2006.

Naperville also has preventive measures at the elementary level, Murphy said. For example, two teachers at Elmwood began a club for fourth- and fifth-grade girls that emphasized kindness -- in person and online.

"The teachers saw a need and started the group," Murphy said.

Many districts, like Elgin Area School District U-46, provide staff Internet safety training. When teachers at Buffalo Grove High School logged onto MySpace, it was the first time many had seen the site.

"It was quite an eye-opening experience to see the kinds of things kids post about themselves -- or their classmates," said Joseph Taylor, the school's academic technology coordinator.

Northwest Suburban High School District 214, like many others, blocks access to social networking sites in school buildings, he said.

Many schools use i-Safe curriculum in the classrooms. Interactive activities include discussing the content of an online chat. I-Safe leaders hope to reach 350,000 Illinois students this year, Schroeder said.

Junior high and high schools can hold schoolwide awareness campaigns, Freedman suggested. Bring in speakers, hold student empathy training, put greater emphasis on Internet usage agreements, she said.

The younger kids are, the easier it is to plant the seed. She created a questionnaire for parents and kids to test each other's awareness of children's Internet activity. Then she sent the results to parents.

"It was done to establish a dialogue," she said. "Let's compare some answers."

Calling all parents

No matter what schools do, though, parents must play a critical role, experts say.

Many schools, like Glenbard West, hold parent workshops to raise awareness. Recently one featured Dunkelblau, who is director of the Institute for Emotionally Intelligent Learning, a Northbrook nonprofit that works with schools to create emotional-development programs.

Many parents have no clue what their children do online, he said. One mom said her daughter had been cyberbullied earlier in the year. "It was a learning experience," she said.

As was the case for the DuPage County seventh-grader who was bullied and threatened online.

"I was shocked," the girl's mother said of later seeing the exchange. The situation eventually was resolved without the mom's intervention, ending with the girl indirectly apologizing to her daughter.

Yet the girl's mom says her daughter is no angel herself. She says she made her daughter delete her MySpace page in the past because of content. "I tell her if these are not words you'd use verbally, you can't use them online," the mom said.

Many parents use programs that filter Web content or instant message chats. The amount of Internet safety resources available to parents is endless, experts say.

"In everything we do, we keep going back to the parents," said Aaron Kenny, founder of Atlanta-based Internetsafety.com. "Yes, your kids are smart (with technology). But we're still smarter. We try to empower parents with information."

Parents need to set clear limits on online activity, experts say. Talk with your child about the risks and consequences and then continue to monitor. Be aware of kid code -- "POS" means parent over shoulder, for example.

When cyberbullying occurs, raise the issue with someone: a parent, a teacher, a school counselor.

"They key is for parents to have the ability to talk," Dunkelblau said. "There's no excuse for 'I don't understand' anymore."