Coach: This is test. This is only a test. (Now see if you're with me.)

No, this is not a test of the national emergency broadcast system. You will not hear a beep for 30 seconds followed by a return to your regularly scheduled programming.

Nope.

This, instead, is a "see if you're with me" test - completely unofficial and completely unobjective, all based on a variety of sports observations.

Here is how you will be scored. If you agree with me on 75% of the items or more, you are not to worry. You have passed the test and earn a hearty congratulations!

A score in the 50% to 75% range will rate you a result of "acceptable" and will allow you to move on, but under some future observation and possible suggested counseling.

Any score under 50% will be dealt with more seriously. In this case, a period of self-purgatory may be applied, with the primary penalty being confinement in a small room all by yourself where you will forced to read some of my past columns.

But no pressure.

A reminder: Once you start you have just 10 minutes to complete the test, and we do suggest using a No. 2 pencil if at all possible.

Here are the items for consideration:

1. Enough with the football replays, where the official has to run all the way across the field to stare into a tiny box to decipher what actually happened on the field. Can't we just have a video official in the TV booth who, if he sees an error, stops the game and makes the call. Simple, easy, quick.

2. "Did we win?" Those beautiful words coming out of the mouth of Buffalo Bills player Damar Hamlin inspired the nation last week. Those three spoken words should last in time as a symbol for every youth sport or high school coach trying to inspire their kids to think team first, and to play unselfishly. Here is this 24-year-old, in the face of near death and just barely regaining consciousness, and his first words spoken were "Did we win?" What a great example for all our young athletes.

3. Can we please put a rule in to stop soccer players from dribbling to the corner to try and stall out the final minutes of a game? You say that would be too hard to enforce? I say, "so what?" Find a way. The strategy (if you can call it that) ruins the drama of many close soccer matches.

4. Wouldn't bother me in the least, in fact I would enjoy it more, if professional boxers wore headgear to protect themselves from brain damage.

5. Is there anything more entertaining than watching two mascots for opposing schools get into an actual fight? When the teasing and kidding around that mascots tend to do goes next level, and the two actually square off for real? Like when Boilermaker Pete got beaten to a pulp by Iowa's angry Herkie The Hawk. Doesn't happen often, but, oh, when it does? Classic entertainment at its finest.

6. Watching sports video highlights put to the background of some really good upbeat music is awesome. It is surefire feel-good almost every time. Check out the YouTube video of Whitney Houston's "One Moment In Time" put to Olympic game highlights for an example. Chilling - in all the good ways.

7. As nice as they have made it, I still miss the old Wrigley Field neighborhood. You know, the one where people who made an average working man's wage could actually afford to come and take their kids, and everything wasn't quite so clean and pristine.

8. And while we're on the baseball beat, are you with me here? White Sox park food offerings and concessions vs. Wrigley Field's is a mismatch of epic proportions. The Cubs are stuck in the Dark Ages of hot dogs and peanuts, while the White Sox give you a wide variety of really good-tasting ethnic foods, and the added bonus of all the delicious aromas coming from them as you walk this beautiful park.

9. Have you ever noticed the correlation between golfers and baseball pitchers who take forever to get ready to hit their shot or make their pitch to their overall effectiveness? I contend that the pitchers who get the ball, get their signal and then throw the ball immediately are statistically way ahead of the pitcher who sweats and labors painstakingly over every pitch. Ditto for the golfers. Added bonus? Much more fun for the fans!

10. It is still amazing to me that for three hours of a football game, large angry men crash into each other, battling with all-out intensity, and then ... with just seconds remaining in the contest a 5'5, 145-pound guy comes out to kick the field goal that will decide the game.

11. Any high school sports event is made incrementally better by the appearance of the school's pep band.

12. I love watching female coaches who coach guys teams. We need more of that! Volleyball is probably most prevalent in this right now, but you are starting to see it take place now in other sports. Hope this trend continues.

13. I heard there was going to be a new "extreme sports" TV show featuring pillow fights. Fellow athletes, celebrities, etc., all competing in one-on-one or tag-team match fights using nothing but a pillow. A silly, ridiculous, and extremely juvenile idea, but if they do televise it? Count me in.

14. Absolute rule with no exception: If you are an adult, you are not allowed to join in with the foot stomping on bleachers and the shouting and whistling that the fans do to distract a free-throw shooter at crucial parts of the game. Kids? No problem at all as long as no obscenities. Adults? Not a good look.

OK, there you have it. The test is now over. Pencils down; you can give yourself a final grade.

Note: If you did not do well, feel free to take the advice I once received from a teacher who wasn't thrilled with my attitude or performance in his class and frustratingly told me, "Why don't you just go ahead and eat your exam paper. Then, sooner or later you will pass it."

• Jon Cohn of Glenview is a coach, retired PE teacher, sports official and prep sports fan. To contact him with comments or story ideas, email jcsportsandtees@aol.com.