Letter from the Editor: Kindness is the best gift you can give this holiday season

Generally, I tend to have a thick skin. Say what you will, it's going to roll right off. More than two decades in journalism will do that to you.

But there are a few things that hit hard, and this week, I had an email that hit two of them: "You're doing it all wrong!"

I'm a perfectionist and an overachiever. That hurt. The person also called me "frivolous."

For a whole variety of reasons, I can own "frivolous" in the right context. This email? Not in those contexts. The writer wasn't specific, but I could infer that I wasn't writing about important enough topics, in the writer's opinion, so maybe I wasn't paying attention to them. Double-ouch.

My first instinct was to lash out.

Listen: There was a tech glitch in last week's Glenview edition. The machines may or may not be self-aware, but things happen. We know that. As for the frivolous part? I have a goofy sense of humor that tends to reveal itself at weird times. Like Mary Richards in the "Chuckles Bites the Dust" episode of "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

If there is an inappropriate time to laugh, I will be laughing, no matter how hard I try not to.

But rather than lashing out, I took a breath and wrote back proposing a constructive conversation. It occurred to me maybe this person is having as rough of a holiday season as I am this year. As everybody is having this year.

We, like many people, are not seeing family, other than some drive-by gifting, and that's after not seeing much of anybody beyond Zoom and FaceTime most of this year.

And, overall, the holidays can be hard enough any given year. We're supposed to be cheerful and celebratory, like the Hallmark movies, right?

With snowball fights and Christmas trees and cookie baking contests to save the town from the bad guys who eventually learn their lessons! Or whatever your traditions may be.

But that's not always how it is. Sometimes the holidays are a lot more like my Christmas of 2013. Man. That was A YEAR.

My mom died in October. My husband's grandfather died the week before Christmas.

But darnit, we were still going to decorate AND HAVE A MERRY (fun!) CHRISTMAS, Brian told me, WHETHER I LIKED IT OR NOT, BECAUSE IT'S CHEERFUL (darnit).

I, in fact, did not like it, so we fought (a little) about decorating the Christmas tree. That resulted in the usually very even-tempered Brian taking an impossibly tangled ball of lights, throwing it at the tree and saying "THERE. IT'S DECORATED."

It was so ridiculous, there was only one thing to do: I tiptoed to the tree and plugged in the lights - the only decoration on the tree.

The huge, colorful knot was just too much. The argument was instantly over, and we both had our first good belly laugh of that entire holiday season.

Here's the thing: As I've said so many times already, this is a weird, difficult year. We have to be kind each other. Find the fun and the funny wherever you can, even if it's a little bit frivolous.

Have the happiest of holiday seasons, everybody!

• Melynda has worked at the Daily Herald for 21 years.