The do’s and don’ts of sending food back to the kitchen
The steak you ordered rare came well done. Or, conversely, the steak you ordered medium is bleeding all over the plate. Do you send it back, or suck it up?
You didn’t notice on the menu that the dish you ordered contains nuts, and you’re allergic. Do you speak up or try to eat around the nuts?
When you take a bite of your entree, you just don’t like the taste. What’s the right thing to do?
Sending a restaurant meal back to the kitchen can be an uncomfortable experience, not only for you but also for the people in the kitchen. There’s a right time and a wrong time, a right way and a wrong way.
So here, friends, are Izzy’s Rules of the Road for when (and when not) to call your server over and say, “Um, I have a problem …”
Do: Read the menu descriptions carefully. If you have a dietary restriction or allergy, speak up when ordering to see if your needs can be accommodated, or if you should order something else.
Don’t: Eat half your meal before sending it back. The faster you send it back, after one or two bites, the more likely it is that you won’t be charged for a replacement meal.
Do: Let the server know if you’ve inadvertently ordered something you can’t eat because of dietary restrictions. Ask to order something else and do it early enough so that you are not charged.
Do: Describe specifically what’s not working for you. Is there a spice you don’t like? Does it seem over/under cooked? With specifics, the chef can possibly remake the dish more to your liking.
Do: Outline what you’d like to happen next, whether that’s having the dish remade or ordering something else.
Do: Be courteous. Say please and thank you, like Mom taught you. Smile. Apologize for the trouble.
Don’t: Yell at your server, or make snide remarks. They’re the bridge between you and the kitchen, and courtesy and good humor make that bridge easier to cross. Whatever the problem is, it’s not their fault.
Do: Understand what happens in the kitchen. When a dish comes back because the guest said they didn’t like it with no explanation, the kitchen isn’t happy because they don’t know how they can fix the problem for you. It also upsets their routine and may cause other diners to wait longer. The reason for this is that the restaurant doesn't want the person who sent the dish back to just sit at the table watching their companions eat.
Don’t: Ask to have your meal comped. The server is a professional and should know what to do. They may offer to comp the meal or offer a dessert or glass of wine on the house, but they’re under no obligation. If you don’t feel the restaurant handled your issue in the way that satisfied you, let the management know and, of course, you are always free to not return to that restaurant.
As I pointed out in a recent column, we customers bear some of the responsibility for having a positive or negative restaurant experience. Restaurant industry analyst David Mann has this advice:
“Recognize the boundary between personal preference and actual cooking error. Be clear and respectful when explaining what went wrong, and consider that mistakes can happen even in the best of kitchens.”
Guest etiquette plays a crucial role in this delicate dance between the guest, the server and the kitchen. Sending food back is a form of communication that requires clarity and respect.
“There is wisdom in understanding that not every unsatisfactory dish is a cooking mistake worth correcting,” Mann says.
So, yes, sometimes you have to suck it up.
• Izzy Kharasch is the founder of Hospitality Works, a consulting firm that has worked with 700+ restaurants and small businesses nationwide. He is offering Daily Herald restaurant owners a free consultation by contacting him at Izzy@HospitalityWorks.com.