In search of rare prey -- man watching 'Sex and the City'

Trying to blend in with middle school teachers among a herd of kids waiting to see that "Indiana Jones" movie, I lie in wait silently near the concession stand, hoping to catch a glimpse of the suburbs' most elusive species -- a man buying a ticket to "Sex and the City."

The mother of all chick flicks lures flocks of hens to the AMC Loews Streets of Woodfield on Friday morning, but no roosters.

Wait a second. A male, alone and possibly injured, ambles into a clearing. I fire my question -- Are you going to see "Sex and the City"?

He snorts out a "No way!" and charges up the escalator to see "Iron Man."

Never has a movie created such a gender gap. Even "Jackass" drew some couples and female fans. But "Sex and the City" stars Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte apparently are as repellent to men as Moe, Larry, Curly and Shemp are to women.

My family has never had HBO, so, aside from a few hotel-stay glimpses, I hadn't watched "Sex and the City" until a female neighbor pushed a DVD on my wife.

I like Sarah Jessica Parker, who is not your typical actress beauty. She's funny, has a tremendous figure, dated juniors (John Kennedy and Robert Downey) before landing in a good marriage to the equally likable Matthew Broderick, played the title role in "Annie" on Broadway, and was the only reason to watch the TV sitcom "Square Pegs."

And strangers have told my wife she looks like Miranda, although I think my wife is far better looking than Cynthia Nixon, and much more fun than the Miranda character.

When my wife started watching DVDs of all the episodes, I tried to get into the show. I'd sit with her on our couch in front of the TV. I even drank a cosmopolitan once. But I couldn't do it. As the characters babbled on about hopes, fears, forgiveness and love, I'd scan the sports pages or log onto my laptop to check e-mail, looking up only when my peripheral vision detected nudity.

Even then, I got so bored of seeing a naked Kim Catrall (who is older than I but younger than dirt) that I even turned down a chance to interview her in the flesh in a downtown hotel during her book tour. And her book was about female orgasms. That's how bored I am by her.

Lost in these thoughts, I almost miss a male heading for the escalator with a "Sex and the City" ticket.

"I'm not gay. I'm not female," says John Sittenger, 52, of Palatine, answering the unspoken questions I was trying to figure out how, or even whether, to ask. "I'm just here to see a good show; nothing more profound that that."

A fan of HBO dramas such as "The Sopranos," "Deadwood," "The Wire" and others, Sittenger says "Sex and the City" meets his high standards.

"The writing is fantastic. The acting is fabulous," says Sittenger, a project manager who happened to have Friday morning free. And by becoming a fan of the show, he even learned the names of a couple of fashion designers.

For a long time after I learned they were footwear and not the fast gourmet sandwich place, I thought Jimmy Choo's were Jimmy Shoes -- which I envisioned as the female version of Chuck Taylor high tops.

I know as much about fashion as does the next guy I find with a "Sex and the City" ticket.

"He's seen it on HBO because I made him watch it with me," Karen Puccinelli of Schaumburg says of her husband, Andy, who shrugs. He seems more excited about buying popcorn and his future prospects of seeing the movie staring Harrison Ford.

"I'm doing this to please her," says Andy Puccinelli. In their 28 years of marriage, he has learned how to make his wife happy, so he agrees to accompany her to this movie.

It's his wife who has reservations. She's supposed to go to this movie later with one of her female BFFs. So, in a way, she's cheating on her friend, might tell a little lie about that, will pretend later that it's her first time, and, if caught, ask for forgiveness.

All behavior that, judging from my limited experience, fits nicely into a "Sex and the City" theme.