'Thank you for not judging our loss'

On so many levels, it's been a depressing week.

The snow that flew briefly Thursday is a reminder that months of cold, lousy weather loom. The economy sputters along; the nation appears divided yet again on the prospect of sending more troops to Afghanistan. The whole Tiger Woods saga, honestly, is just sad, again, on many levels: the shortcomings of yet another idol, the wretched excesses of the coverage of his errant drive.

Closer to home, genuine tragedy unfolded. On Monday, a beloved custodial worker at Naperville Central High School died after she jumped or fell into a construction pit at the school. The following day, hundreds of people attended funeral services in Addison for the four members of the Mangiantini family: Elizabeth, 46, Angelo, 12, and Tommy, 8 - all of whom were shot to death by the patriarch, Thomas, 48, who police say then turned the gun on himself.

But amid the heartache these deaths have caused, there are some strong signs of hope, of people's underlying goodness, humanity and compassion.

It would have been easy, maybe expected, for Elizabeth Mangiantini's family to be furious with Thomas for snuffing out the lives of his wife and children, and perhaps to project that anger onto his family. But, as staff writer Christy Gutowski put it in her story about the funeral, "In moments of amazing strength and grace, the slain woman's parents and siblings embraced Thomas' family and spoke with love of the man they knew him to be since the couple married in 1991."

James and Helen Jakubosky, Elizabeth's parents, did not skip their son-in-law's casket as they sprinkled holy water on each of the four a final blessing. The couple also reached out during the service to Thomas' father, Gene, who also had buried his wife not long ago.

It would be easy, too, to look askance at the death of 45-year-old Zeina M. Alva, who died after jumping or falling into a 20-foot-deep pit where a new wing to the high school is being built. Authorities have ruled out foul play, and it appears the site from where she fell could not have been easily accessed.

But, in a Facebook page that popped up almost immediately after word of her death spread, there was none of the salacious chitchat and speculation over what happened - the sometimes-insensitive chatter that seems to abound on the Internet. Instead, the Facebook posters, many high school students and NCHS alums, talked about what a good friend Zeina had been. In fact, the site drew more than 3,000 members.

"You were amazing," one wrote, "you were like one of us and u talked to us like humans rather than just annoying high school students."

Some of the students plan to wear black T-shirts to school today in honor of their friend. If only Zeina had known, perhaps, how many friends she had ...

I guess most of us try to remember the good, and perhaps bury the bad, when someone passes. And I worry that we manifest that in our coverage, especially when it's something as volatile as a murder-suicide, where our very last motive is to somehow glamorize it and unintentionally encourage more of the same. It's one of the finest lines we walk.

But sometimes people do appreciate an effort to find the balance, perhaps evidenced by this note sent to Gutowski about her stories on the Mangiantini family:

"You and your paper took the high road and let us remember Tom as the loving husband and father and friend that he was.

"Thank you for not judging but fairly reporting our loss."

jdavis@dailyherald.com