Cellphones do not memories make

A few years ago, I received a call from my old friend, Dave Anderson, founder of Famous Dave’s BBQ.

Dave is one of the most insightful and innovative restaurateurs/business professionals I have had the pleasure of knowing. If you have not read any of his books, you should think about it.

He called one night from Chicago, and it was late in the evening. Dave wanted me to know that he found the most entertaining and exciting restaurant in the city.

He asked me to come down and so that I could see for myself that 100% of the crowd (more than 200 people) were having the best time they have had in years.

I asked him: “Dave, how do you know that every one of the guests is having the best time?” His answer was simple: “Because I have been here for a few hours and there is not one person holding a cellphone!”

Ever since then, my measuring stick for a great restaurant has been to look around and see who is experiencing the moment and who is living life through a screen, more of an observer than a participant.

Why even go out?

A few years ago, I took my daughters to lunch, just to celebrate spending time together. One of my daughters, who was about 16 at the time, pointed out a family of six (parents and kids who ranged from 10 to 18 years old). She said, “Dad, why are they taking the time to eat at a restaurant?”

I looked over and saw that all six were deep into their phones. My daughter noticed that they all pulled out the phones as soon as they sat down, looked up only to place their orders and then immediately went back to their phones.

I was fascinated, and for the rest of our meal we continued to observe this family, not out of voyeurism but more as a study of social behavior. Meals were delivered to each guest and not one of the family members lowered their phone to talk with anyone else.

There is value in sharing a meal

When we go out with friends and family, the goal is to spend quality time together and take this opportunity to be social and build relationships. The real value of dining together is that we are present and taking the time to engage each other in conversation while showing genuine interest in the people we are with.

It makes me think about the family of six on their phones the entire time they were together. When they share that memory, I can only imagine that it sounds like this: ““Remember when we went out to that restaurant and we all looked at our phones the whole time without talking, or sharing stories, or looking at each other? That was so meh!”

Phones aren’t family and friends

I strongly believe that it is important for adults to put down their phones during a meal and really enjoy being together. However, I also believe that putting down the phones during a meal for young people is crucial.

In my weekly travels, I meet with so many young people who were negatively affected by COVID. Not being able to socialize for two years was a real game changer. This lack of socialization shows up in interviews, where the young candidate can’t look the interviewer in the eyes, can’t converse on a simple level and can’t talk about themselves or their accomplishments.

I personally believe that when families dine together and converse about themselves or what’s in the news or their workday, they should do it with no distractions like cellphones. Meals together are an opportunity to build interactive skills that were missed along the way.

Chick Fil A gets it

At some Chick Fil A restaurants, customers can voluntarily put their cellphones into a container and dine phone-free. If everyone at a table does it, they get a free ice cream cone.

I haven’t found any Chicago-area restaurants taking part in this promotion, but I hope this will encourage some of them to start. I think we all know that the real prize is that we all have a great and memorable time together.

• Izzy Kharasch is the founder of Hospitality Works, a consulting firm that has worked with 700+ restaurants and small businesses nationwide. He is offering Daily Herald restaurant owners a free consultation by contacting him at Izzy@HospitalityWorks.com.