Dealing with unwanted gifts takes a little creativity — and a lot of tact

Holiday surprises come in all forms — including offbeat gifts that you might be tempted to relegate to the back of the closet.

At a time of year when gift-giving is de rigueur, intention matters. As the old saying goes, it’s the thought that counts.

Robin Eisenstot and her family kept the saying in mind when it came to her mother-in-law, who bestowed upon them such unusual gifts as a scorpion paperweight for their then 10-year-old son and the Big Mouth Billy Bass — that kitschy, wall-mounted prop that warbled songs like “Take Me to the River” and “Don't Worry, Be Happy” — she gave Eisenstot and her husband for their anniversary.

Most of the time, the gifts remained tucked away in what Eisenstot's family referred to as “the Bubbie drawer” until her mother-in-law visited, at which time the Buffalo Grove woman told her family: “Bubbie's coming over, take your stuff out.”

That included the Billy Bass, which they hung up for the duration of her stay.

“As she was walking out the door, I would take it off the wall,” recalled Eisenstot of what became a running joke in her family. (Years later, her mother-in-law asked why they owned such a ridiculous item, not recalling she was the one who gifted it.)

The Eisenstot family responded properly, according to personal and professional etiquette expert Sarah Berto of Glenview's Confidence with Etiquette. She says the polite way to receive a gift is with grace and gratitude.

“If it's not to your liking, show your respect that they spent time, energy and love choosing it,” said Berto. “The golden rule is appreciating the person for what they've done for you.”

It all comes back to that, said Meghan Kosla of Bartlett, who still has photo frames she and her husband got for their wedding stowed under their bed.

“They thought about you enough to show you they were thinking about you,” she said. “It's nice to know you're on someone's mind and they care enough to show it, even though it may not be the best fit.”

Berto concurs.

“When you think about manners and etiquette, it's about how you make other people feel,” Berto said.

Wearing or displaying a gift that doesn't suit your style or décor demonstrates gratitude.

That's not to say one is obligated to keep it forever, said Berto, who advises donating the item after a respectful amount of time.

Berto, who admits gift-giving is not her forte, advises people to be more observant. Pay attention to the colors that friends and relatives favor, or the food they enjoy, she says.

She also recommends gifting people with experiences in the form of tickets to a concert or other event.

But with Christmas and Hanukkah now over, you may be wondering what to do with an unwanted gift.

Donating is an option. So is regifting, if one is careful.

To that end, Catey Sullivan experienced every re-gifter's nightmare. In an email, she recalled receiving a pink, winged cherub statue from a friend of her mother's that was “totally not my aesthetic.”

“I put it in the bin of 'possible regifting stuff,’” she wrote.

Several years later, having forgotten who gave it to her, the Evanston resident wrapped it up and gave it to her mother's friend, who recognized the tchotchke.

“I doubled down and insisted I'd bought it at a craft fair,” Sullivan wrote. “Everyone laughed and pretended to believe me.”

Schaumburg resident Michelle Diaz could not fathom what her then-boyfriend was thinking when she opened his presents to her on their first Christmas together. One was a crime scene pen holder. Another was a pen that gave the user a shock.

Confused, Diaz asked him the rationale behind the gifts. He told her the pen holder represented her fondness for mystery novels and the TV series “Criminal Minds.” He gave her the pen because he knew she liked to laugh, and he thought it would be funny.

“Needless to say, it all went into a drawer until after we broke up,” she wrote in an email.

But not all oddball gifts end up in drawers. For Diaz's extended family, one became a tradition.

It began when one of her mom's five siblings gave a gravy boat to their stepmother, who re-gifted it the next year, not realizing a family member had given it to her the previous year. Family members have been wrapping up the gift and trading it back and forth ever since.

“We're a very funny family,” Diaz said.

Similarly, humor and affection characterized Eisenstot’s response to family gifts, including one from her father, whom she had not seen for 30 years.

When they reconnected, he told her he still had her eighth grade graduation gift and wanted to send it to her.

It was a framed picture of a woman in a large, flowered hat. Like Billy Bass, they hang it up when her dad visits.

Eisenstot says her experiences have made her a first-rate gift-giver with a keen sense of humor. Her first gift to her husband was an address book with her name on every page.

“I pay attention,” she said. “If someone mentions something in passing, I'll remember it, make a note in my phone, and go from there,” she said.

For herself, Eisenstot prefers the gift of time with friends and family. At the end of the day, it's not about the size of a gift or its cost.

It's the thought that counts.