The Mabley Archive: J

In 1988, when longtime Glenview resident Jack Mabley brought his column to the Daily Herald, he made a couple of requests: 1. Let him keep his ugly, old green chair. 2. Launch an edition for his hometown. He kept the chair. And now, more than a decade after his passing in 2006, his second request has been granted. This column is from Feb. 17, 1997.

You can attach a newspaper column to the refrigerator door. But a radio broadcast evaporates into thin air.

That may be one reason the 800-pound gorilla of Chicago radio, Bob Collins, would like to try writing a newspaper column.

Before I go on, let me emphasize that I am not privy to the workings of management at this newspaper. I'm commenting on what I read in the newspapers.

I missed Collins last week when he talked on his WGN show about the opportunity to write a weekly column for the Daily Herald.

The 800-pound gorilla is a figure of speech. The point is he is so dominant in ratings and makes so much money for his employers that he can do pretty much what he wants.

Or ... they need him more than he needs them.

I'd love to see him in the Daily Herald. He is outspoken, reasonable, has a few prejudices (don't we all?) and knows a lot about a lot of things.

He said he's going to take some time over the holidays to crank out a few sample columns.

I've written 10 or 12 thousand columns and presume to offer Collins a few tips:

Don't overwrite or try to be a Hemingway.

Write the way you would write to a friend.

I like to get a number of subjects in one column. I'm one of the few who do that, but it seems to work for me.

Over the years I've seen some very talented reporters and writers try doing a column. Most failed. It requires a certain chemistry, which I can't define. Maybe it's in the genes.

When the Tribune dumped me for being over 65, they hired a bright young reporter/columnist from Wisconsin to replace me.

He was a very nice fellow, but he didn't cut it. Later they hired Mike Royko. He cut it.

I have written, at different times, one column a week, three a week, five a week, and for many years, six a week.

One a week is just as hard as three or four. The deadline always looms. Many of my columns are written in the middle of the night in bed in my head. I get up, come to the office, and type them out.

Now for complications. Collins obviously likes the Daily Herald. His employer, Tribune Co., owns the Tribune as well as WGN.

The Daily Herald is the Tribune's main competition in the suburban area. Or we might say the Tribune is our main competition. Our circulation is growing, theirs is shrinking.

Columns contribute flavor, the salt and pepper, to newspapers. I think they're next to comics in importance.

A column by Bob Collins would attract readers.

It's safe to say Tribune Co. brass is unhappy. Here's what Sun-Times columnist Robert Feder says Collins told him:

"I talked to my general manager about it this morning, and he didn't say no. I would assume that if the Tribune came to me to do a column then perhaps they'd have a moral leg to stand on. But they haven't. So I don't feel obligated to them at all.

"But that particular newspaper has never offered me a thing. They never write about me. You (the Sun-Times) write about me much more than they ever do - and in generally kinder terms. I'm not angry at them. I'm loyal to the Tribune Co., but I just don't feel any particular loyalty to the Tribune newspaper."

Judy Markey, a Sun-Times columnist, does a daily show on WGN without apparent conflict.

Collins said: "I've always been amazed and fascinated by the idea of sitting down and writing something that makes sense."

The Tribune needs you, Bob Collins. But the future is out here. And you can enjoy the thrill of going into a friend's house and finding one of your columns on the refrigerator door.