Coach's corner: Coach's (unprofessional?) advice column

Letters never actually received ... but they could have been!

Dear Coach: I am getting really frustrated. I love everything snow related including building a snowman, snow forts, snowball fights and especially heading to our local sled hills for some "downhill fun." But we just aren't getting enough snow so far to really dive into my favorite activities. Any suggestions to get me over the hump?

Signed, Wally The Winter Warrior

Dear Wally

First, lose the "winter warrior" mantra. Not a good look for a 30-something adult, which I am guessing you are. Secondly, take a look outside - I think we finally have snow! Look, I am all for the snowman building and snow forts, but, man, you have to be careful of those sled hills! They are unsupervised, unmitigated, potential disaster areas. Have you been to Meadowhill Park in Northbrook or Johns Park in Glenview on a crowded snowy day? It is like "survival of the fittest" at the top of the hill, with teenagers, dads and little kids alike battling for supremacy. And you might as well park a paramedic truck at the bottom of the sled hill with all the collisions I have seen. My suggestion? Stay home and cuddle up to a good book or go give a nice warm hug to a family member. If no family members are around, try your neighbor.

Dear Coach: I have been working out at the fitness center lately, and there is this guy that keeps staring at me. At least I think he is. Every time I look at him or catch him looking, he quickly glances the other way. I kind of like him and might be interested, but I'm not sure how to strike up a conversation. He works out intensely and is always on one of the machines or lifting some of the free weights so it might be kind of awkward. Any advice?

Signed, Hiding Behind The StairMaster

Dear Hiding,

My first thought? Stop hiding! (See how easy this advice column stuff is?)

Secondly, kudos to you for working out and staying in shape here in the wintertime. My suggestion to you is to do your workout, and don't worry if anybody is watching. If Biceps Boy is interested in you, he will come up and say something, and if not, hey, you go head his way. I am sure somewhere between the dead lift and the powercrunch he can find time to say hello. And if not, then try the longer endgame route, like maybe linger around in the lobby and just happen to "run into him" by accident. Either way keep the winter workouts going. Remember we will all be in swimming trunks, T-shirts and shorts soon enough.

Dear Coach: I suffered a debilitating back spasm injury a couple of months ago and can't really do anything active. Getting completely bored here while stuck inside, and I am starting to gain weight from too much eating and sitting around. Any suggestions to fend off the next couple months?

Signed, Too Much Time On My Hands

Dear Too Much Time,

Your problem is like you're name - too much. Too much eating, too much sitting, too much Nintendo, too much PlayStation, too much complaining, too much of this, too much of that. In short? Too much of too much. You need to get back in action. At the very least, dust off the old yoga mat and get down and start doing some stretching exercises. Time to get that back loose and in working condition again. Sitting on the couch, boredom-eating and watching reruns of "The Masked Singer" is definitely not the way to go. Maybe shoveling some snow will help the back? It's not great for the heart, but it might loosen up the back and maybe a few other organs while you're at it. Either way, it seems your get up and go has got up and went, and that is a problem. I say time to forget about the back pain and get you're rear in gear.

Dear Coach,

I am a basketball player at a local school and have a crush on one of the cheerleaders of our archrival school. Is it breaking any rules to date someone from the "opposing school," and if not, any suggestions on how to break the ice?

Signed, Hoops In Love

Dear Hoops,

Dangerous territory here for this aging journalist. I do have some ideas - but, oh look! I have just run out of print space for this edition (darn). Too bad. I would really love to help you, Hoops, but I'm leaving this one on you're plate. I don't want my highly unprofessional advice column to become any more highly unprofessional than it already is.

So that's all for this week folks, but we may revisit again. If you have any questions for "Dear Coach, Highly Unprofessional Advice," feel free to send them on to our editor at mfindlay@dailyherald.com. She may or may not forward them to me, depending on how highly unprofessional she feels.

• Jon Cohn of Glenview is a coach, retired PE teacher, sports official and prep sports fan.