Why it's OK for parents to say 'I don't know'

There comes a time in all parents' lives when we realize our kids know more about some things - maybe a lot of things - than we do.

For me, this has happened about the time they got to third grade. As my children got more into subjects like science, math and history, they began to learn things I had either forgotten or never knew.

Usually this became apparent when one of my kids asked me some question for which I had no answer. Of course, there were also the times when I had an answer, but it was the wrong one. Either way, it was a bit of a surprise to both of us that I was no longer the one who knew it all.

I should also add here that, as my children, and now grandchildren, have aged, I also have become increasingly ignorant of that whole body of knowledge that has to do with today's adult, young adult and youth cultures.

I've tried to keep up, but I have often found it difficult to stay current on the trials and tribulations of my adult children and grandchildren's latest heartthrob or hero, or know all about the hottest TV show, video game, or collectible of the moment.

Now, I can deal pretty well with not knowing all this, even the stuff I'm sure I once knew but have now forgotten. (I guess I do get a bit frustrated when I can no longer name the title, author and year of release of the songs on the oldies station, but, hey, that's important.)

Most of the rest of what I've forgotten I don't particularly miss. And I have become comfortable with just asking my progeny about what I don't understand about their lives.

My children have all reacted differently to my ignorance. Depending on their personalities and ages, they have been, at times, shocked, panicked, disappointed, bemused, or patronizing (or sometimes all of the above). And, most of the time they wind up being understanding and supportive, especially as I have gotten older.

Of course, my feelings can get a bit hurt by some of these reactions, and I can get a bit irritated (usually more with myself), but I get over it.

Actually, despite my irritation, all of my children's reactions are normal. In order to grow up, children have to come to terms with the reality that their parents are not the gods and goddesses they once thought they were.

This is a process that takes a good many years for most children, sometimes even a lifetime. It's not easy for them, either. As much as they may suspect that their parents are fallible humans, to find it out for sure can be a bit unsettling.

After all, if we parents don't know everything, then it means they will have to know something in order to survive in this world.

Over the years, I've seen parents come down off their pedestals slowly and gently, or quickly and violently. That seems to depend a lot on how hard we hold on to our positions as founts of all wisdom and knowledge.

If we let go willingly and gracefully, we will come down to earth with a few bruises (like my discomfort at my kids' initial responses to my ignorance), but will easily retain our role as parents.

If, however, we insist on our omniscience despite all evidence to the contrary, our kids will soon challenge not only our accuracy, but resent us as well.

You know, at times it can be a relief to just not know stuff. It's a lot less work for me to just confess "I have no idea." My adult children and grandchildren now enjoy teaching me what they know and we all have fun in learning new things together.

And we all grow up a bit in the process.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaracare Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."