Constable: Valentine's with Batman not always super
The saying, “Men want to be him. Women want to be with him,” applies today to Batman, or at least Lego Batman.
“It must be great to be Batman,” a TV anchorman gushes in “The Lego Batman Movie,” as Lego Batman jumps in his Batmobile for the triumphant trip home to his Batcave. “I can only imagine he's going home right now to party the night away surrounded by friends and lady activewear models.”
Instead, Batman comes home to a mansion where he is greeted by the computer voice of Siri, uses a microwave to reheat the lobster thermidor prepared by his faithful butler, Alfred, and spends a lot of time alone watching romantic movies about characters who have other people in their lives.
That immature fantasy of being too cool for everyone else was blasted in a 1989 award-winning column by Daily Herald film critic Dann Gire, who noted that Batman in those days treated women as “home commodities, who don't mind being put on a shelf by a wealthy workaholic.” Three decades later, Lego Batman (which Gire gives three-and-a-half stars) shows signs of rethinking that loner mentality, thanks in part to family characters such as his adopted son, Robin, police officer Barbara Gordon and Alfred, his butler.
“What was cool to think as a teenager isn't cool to think now,” says Anthony Graan, 36, manager of Comix Revolution in Mount Prospect. “The average reader has grown up.”
So have the superheroes. Superman has been faster than a speeding bullet since 1938, but slow to develop a healthy relationship with Lois Lane. Batman has been a dark knight since 1939, but completely in the dark concerning his interactions with others. In one comic series, Spider-Man finally wed his longtime girlfriend, Mary Jane Watson, but the couple later “undid that,” Graan says. “Marvel decided this character shouldn't be in a successful relationship because part of his character is screwing up a bit.”
The Lego movie focuses on Batman's fear of being a part of a family. An orphan whose parents were murdered, Batman through the decades has been linked romantically to journalist Vicki Vale, lawyer Rachel Dawes, socialite Julie Madison, former socialite Linda Page, psychologist Dr. Chase Meridian, police officer Gordon and a gaggle of mysterious costumed women such as Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Batgirl and others. In one comic series, his dust-up with eco-terrorist Ra's al Ghul led to something more.
“He (Ra's al Ghul) had a daughter who really liked Batman and they got together and six years later, there's this kid,” Graan says, saving us from thumbing through lots of plot twists and character development.
That complicates Batman's already convoluted relationship with Superman, who also is married and has a kid in one current comic book version.
“He's a good dad,” Graan says, explaining how this new Superman, his wife and their son live on a nice farm. “Right now, Lois Lane is a stay-at-home mom. She's figuring out that balance like all real people do.”
A new comic storyline is rumored to bring the two superdads together.
“Superman and Batman talk and say, 'Hey, we both have kids.' So they have a play date essentially,” Graan says. “It hasn't come out yet, so we don't know exactly what the tone is.”
Relationships for comic book heroes constantly change, and can be weird. In “The Return of the Swamp Thing” movie, the mutated man/plant tells his girlfriend, “I can't give you the kind of love you want … because I'm a plant,” and she replies, “That's OK. I'm a vegetarian.”
One comic series has dual realities where lovable Archie marries Veronica in one and Betty in the other. It's not just male superheroes who need time to figure out relationships. Wonder Woman first saved Steve Trevor in 1942, and neither seems confident today about where that relationship stands.
Immersed in the world of comics, Graan doesn't look to superheroes for Valentine's Day advice.
“My girlfriend (Teri) and me probably will stay in and have dinner,” Graan says.
That beats microwaved lobster thermidor for one.