Being aware of mortality could lead to healthier, longer life

The other afternoon I found myself daydreaming about my retirement condo on the lake while driving to the lawyer's office to update my will.

I did notice some inconsistency in my dual pursuits: on one hand assuming I'd live to enjoy a long and healthy retirement while on the other planning for my imminent demise.

Most of us in middle age (and that's a lot of us) are confronted with such seemingly incompatible pursuits. We've accumulated our academic degrees, put in more than a few years (or decades) of work, raised children, bought and sold houses, and accumulated and discarded myriad possessions.

And we can't help but begin to anticipate a more relaxed, simpler, slower pace of life sometime in the near future (or not so near future, depending on the health of our stock portfolio or value of our real estate). Of course, we also have every intention of pursuing this life to come with all the interest and energy we've brought to past pursuits.

But we're also becoming increasingly aware of our own mortality. We've slowed down, been confronted with illnesses acute and chronic, seen friends and family die. And though we try to delude ourselves by proclaiming that we are entering the second half of our life, the reality is we are more and more aware that our life's ending could easily be a lot closer than our life's beginning.

So we find ourselves planning to live forever and die tomorrow.

That's the way it has to be. Research demonstrates clearly that those of us who plan for our future, who look forward, who refuse to give in or give up, usually do live longer and healthier lives. And life demonstrates that death is a reality that we best prepare for if we are to face our end with grace and dignity.

Somehow I don't expect that this inconsistency will resolve itself as time passes. For some of us the growing tension between these two seemingly opposing realities will even lead us to a death-hastening despair, or to a futile death-defying denial.

As a therapist, I've had a chance to work with a number of elderly adults around just these issues. And I've learned from them that we can make peace with this inconsistency. There does seem to be a way to claim life while accepting its eventual loss.

Ironically, as a generation, we Baby Boomers made our mark by denying that those who came before us had much of anything of value to teach us. Yet it may be that sitting at the feet of our elders and listening to their hard won wisdom may be one of the most meaningful ways to come to terms with life and death.

Once again, we still have a lot to learn.

• The Rev. Ken Potts is a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist with Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Centers, Naperville and Downers Grove.