Portraits preserve precious memories of lost newborns

Rocio Samaniego never had the luxury of thinking that raising her son Juan Diego would be easy.

Diagnosed in the womb with Down syndrome and the potential for other, life-threatening physical problems, the baby seemed destined for a difficult life.

The Glendale Heights woman had been told the pregnancy carried little hope, but she prayed there'd be some smiles and some joy in this baby's life.

Sadly, Samaniego's baby did not survive. But because of the work of the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation, a network of volunteer photographers, Samaniego came out of the heartbreaking experience with something more than bittersweet memories.

Founded four years ago in Littleton, Colo., by a mother who'd lost her own newborn son and the photographer who helped her, the foundation offers a new philosophy in helping such parents through their grief.

"In the old days, they were told to forget about it and move on," said Pam Ferguson, bereavement coordinator at Northwest Community Hospital in Arlington Heights.

Having grown to 7,000 volunteers in the U.S. and 20 other countries, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep provides grieving parents with portraits of their sons and daughters - retouched if necessary - which attempt to mirror the portraits of any healthy newborn.

Honoring Juan Diego

Photographing little Juan Diego, who'd died during his mother's 28th week of pregnancy, was the first assignment for volunteer Kristin Cashmore of Grayslake.

Already a portrait photographer, she was inspired to join the organization by hearing photographer and co-founder Sandy Puc' speak at a seminar.

"There was not a dry eye in the house when she was done talking about it," Cashmore said. "I thought, 'This is my sign, I have to do this.'"

Cashmore already had some experience photographing terminally ill children. And in her training for the foundation, she saw the untouched photographs of other shoots that prepared her for the wide range of physical conditions among the newborns she might see.

Still, she knew she'd be affected by the raw emotions of families enduring the realization of their worst fears.

What neither she nor Samaniego anticipated, though, was the sensitivity and compassion of nurse Cheryl Angel, who cared for Samaniego and her baby in the hours after he was delivered stillborn at Central DuPage Hospital in Winfield.

His death in the womb had been determined the day before, but Samaniego came to believe he might have passed away a week earlier.

As tears streamed from Samaniego's eyes, Angel lovingly prepared Juan Diego for Cashmore's photos.

"Rocio, he's beautiful!" she exclaimed. "We had to swaddle him. He's a very important person. He's got beautiful hands, doesn't he, Rocio? He's pretty big, isn't he, Rocio, for 28 weeks?"

"I thank God for putting her in my life," Rocio later said of Angel. "Without the nurses, I wouldn't have made it through. She was very strong and knew just what to say. She made me feel like she was my older sister."

Angel created an environment that made it possible for Cashmore to get much more than static, posed photos of Juan Diego, especially after Samaniego was persuaded to hold him herself.

"It started off as a very controlled session, but then I was able to just tell the story," Cashmore said. "Once she held him and the tears started flowing, I couldn't help but get that shot and get that emotion. I hope it will complete the emotional circle for her."

David Hails, area coordinator for Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, said trying to persuade newly bereaved parents to hold their children in the photos has become something of a priority for him and the photographers he trains.

Not every parent agrees, and that decision is respected. But he's found many of those parents end up regretting it when they receive their photos a few weeks later.

When she and her 5-year-old daughter Leny looked at the photos of Juan Diego together, Samaniego was thankful she got to hold her son and grateful for the "great people" of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and the work they do for free.

"I think (the photos are) great," she said. "I guess they're good memories now."

Her daughter didn't say much except the baby in the photos was cute. The little girl became sad as soon as her mother had to go to the hospital for Juan Diego's delivery. She'd been planning to help out with her baby brother ever since Samaniego had pointed out a toddler with Down syndrome.

Photos bring solace

Other appreciative recipients of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep's services are Jeannie and Dave Jordan of Des Plaines, who've had the photos of their late son Daniel for nearly a year already.

The Jordans' association with the foundation was much more unexpected, as Jeannie had had a perfect pregnancy until she went into labor late last May.

That was around the time Northwest Community began its affiliation with Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, though the hospital had already been taking untouched photos of deceased babies, when appropriate, because of a belief in the same philosophy.

"Even the natural pictures of him in the hospital were good," Jeannie said. "It was so nice just to have both."

While using a service like the foundation's isn't something most parents think about in advance, it's proven to have lasting value for the Jordans and their two young daughters Katherine and Kelly.

"At the beginning, it's a little overwhelming," Jeannie said. "But I think it's a wonderful volunteer organization that recognizes how painful an experience this is."

Ferguson, of Northwest Community, has recognized for a while the value for bereaved parents in receiving the same kind of mementos they'd have received if they were bringing their babies home - like baby blankets and footprints.

The hospital gradually began offering photos of babies stillborn after 20 weeks of development and then began using Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep as well, which generally uses 25 weeks as its threshold for photos.

In contrast to Northwest Community's thinking, Hails said the health-care community in general is very conservative and has been slow to embrace Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep's philosophy.

Cashmore said the three hospitals closest to her home are the ones she'd most like to be able to serve, but none has yet accepted Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.

"It's not about the child passing or having passed, it's about this little angel," Cashmore said. "If you were in that mother's shoes, what would help you? Life is fragile, like what Cheryl (Angel, the nurse) said. Children are not ours to keep."

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