Naperville author tells how to put fun into child care

When Naperville resident Sharon Reed joined her daughter in looking for a day-care center for her grandson more than 20 years ago, she wasn't satisfied with what she found.

So Reed opened her own center and eventually owned four, plus a preschool, in Naperville and the surrounding area.

"I really had strong ideas of what day care could be," she said.

Reed has since sold the day-care centers, but child care remains her passion.

She shares her insights into what works and what doesn't in her recently published book, "Give Your Child an Advantage."

"The advantage is you," Reed tells parents. "If you play with your children. If you have fun with them. If you use those teachable moments. If you know what are reasonable expectations and how to get there, you the parent have more impact on your child than anything else in the world, if you take it."

Reed knows the obstacles. Young parents are often pressured, busy, overworked, tired. Working parents may feel guilty that they're not at home with their children. Stay-at-home parents may feel guilty that they can't do more for their children.

Reed says: Stop the guilt. Start finding more enjoyable - and effective - ways to raise your children.

"Family can be a lot of fun if you do it right," she said. "If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right. Look for ways to make it fun."

Lessons from home

Reed knows whereof she speaks. The 71-year-old mother of three and grandmother of six said she learned many lessons in child-rearing in her own family.

Her interest in child care was ignited by special needs her son had when he was growing up. At that time, his needs were little understood. Her research in child development led her to start Learning is Fun Preschool at St. Timothy Lutheran Church in Naperville in 1974, a center she still owns and operates today.

Reed said her son scored extremely low on the Iowa Test of Basic Skills when he was in first grade. Although his scores rose gradually over the years, a middle school principal counseled her not to expect them to continue to improve.

"Just wait," Reed said. Today, her son is a successful businessman who holds a master's degree in business administration.

"From my children, I learned if you really watch and listen, you can solve anything," Reed said.

That grandson that led her to start her first day-care center was extremely shy as a child, she said. Determined to help him overcome his fearfulness, Reed took him outside to stomp in puddles in the rain and to experience hail. She drove him to plays in downtown Chicago and held him in her lap when he didn't want to sit in the front row. When he developed a tumor on his spine in his middle school years that didn't allow him to do physical activities, she helped him develop a magic show that he performed at child-care centers and nursing homes.

Her grandson now attends Northwestern University where he is majoring in music and performing in shows.

"Look at the child. See where you want him to go and you take him to the next step," Reed said. "You don't do it with a whip. You don't do it with chastising. You do it with inspiring."

The Rev. Dick Johnson, the former pastor of St. Timothy Lutheran Church, said Reed brought to work the same compassion and desire to help other children that she had for her own. His three children attended Learning is Fun Preschool. At Reed's advice, he and his wife held their middle child, who was a bit younger and smaller than his classmates, in preschool a third year.

"It was probably the smartest we could do for him," Johnson said.

"She not only works with kids, but with parents as well," he said. "She just has this tremendously capacity to want kids to succeed and do well."

Bringing harmony

Reed herself continues to teach music, art and conflict resolution at Learning is Fun Preschool, as well as handling the administration.

Reed said she has developed a new system for teaching young children music that she is going to volunteer to take to other schools.

"When they get it, they're hooked on music forever," she said.

Carol Windham, who Reed hired in 1991 when she opened All About Children day-care center in Naperville, remembers Reed gathering groups of children to sing and soon they would be all over her.

"She loved to sing," Windham said.

Windham, who remained at All About Children after Reed sold the center in 2004, said Reed was as positive toward staff as she was toward kids, and always generous with compliments and praise.

"She just wasn't a boss. She was a friend," Windham said. "I learned so much from her."

Three other child-care centers Reed founded - All About Children in Lisle, All About Learning in Naperville and All About Caring in Warrenville - also continue to operate under new ownership.

A member of the National Child Care Association, Reed traveled with other association members to Eastern European countries after the fall of Communism to discuss with those governments different approaches to child care.

As the president of Child Care Consultants, she continues to offer advice and talks to staff and parents at child-care centers free of charge.

"It was never my goal to make a lot of money. I did the work because I loved it," she said.

Reed said parents looking for a child-care center should notice whether all parts of the room are being used. Child-care centers are required to have designated areas such as a quiet space, play kitchen and sensory table. But if some of the areas are not being used, it may be because no changes have been made in them for a long time and the children are simply bored with what's there, she said.

Reed said parents also should look for "magic teachers." Teachers who are fussing at children or having difficulty getting them to transition from one activity to the next may lack the creativity to capture youngsters' imaginations and make it fun, she said.

"For the most part, a magic teacher can take any child and make it work," she said.

Reed teaches the same lessons to parents. For example, she says preventing a meltdown in the grocery store starts with establishing better patterns at home. A child who is extremely upset should be physically calmed, but bad behavior should not be rewarded, she said.

"No. 1, the adult has to stay calm," she said. "It doesn't take very long for the child to understand that is not the way to success."

Reed also encourages parents to teach their children the difference between facts and feelings. A child who cries that another child hit him should be led through a series of questions to say what happened, what the crying child did before it happened and what the child could do differently in the future.

"It's a three-minute conversation that can eliminate drama tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow," she said.

Parents should find the 274 pages of her book easy reading with a humorous touch, she said.

"It's true-to-life stuff," she said.

Published by Tate Publishing & Enterprises and priced at $15.99, "Give Your Child an Advantage" can be ordered online at tatepublishing.com or amazon.com.

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