From Johnny Depp to Rece Davis, an incomplete guide to the brawny NFL Draft
IF THE IMMORTAL WAYLON JENNINGS was singing about it, he might ask, "Don't you done think this NFL Draft bit's done got out of hand?"
Instead, beginning Thursday night on ABC, ESPN, the NFL Network and ESPN Deportes, the most ferociously steroided event on the American sports calendar will roll through millions of TV homes.
This year, Las Vegas is the base venue and the question can be asked:
Could there be a more appropriate City of Lite for a grossly synthesized Sports Event Lite to be beaming from?
ROUND 1 GOES STARTING at 7 p.m. Close to 12 million viewers are expected to tune in.
That number will dip to 4 million or so for Rounds 2 and 3 Friday. And by the time the 262nd and final selection is announced Saturday afternoon, the main marathon-weathered watchers will be families of non-Power 5 left tackles who weigh 320 pounds or more.
As a patronizing concession to the power of the NFL and its TV rights, corporate stepbrothers ABC and ESPN will use separate talent and production crews.
No Joe Buck or Troy Aikman, but ABC will fill the hours with a group centered upon Rece Davis, Todd McShay and Desmond Howard.
NOT EXACTLY JOHNNY DEPP doing his restrained Errol Flynn at the defamation trial, but again, it's The NFL Draft.
ESPN wheels out staples Mike Greenberg, Booger McFarland, Louis Riddick and seasonal Mel Kiper Jr., the NFL's K-list answer to Ryan Seacrest hosting yet another Rockin' New Year's Eve special.
Barring an eleventh-hour trade, the Bears have no first-round pick. So interest from The Fan Base That Frets will be somewhat tempered.
Like all good colon screenings, for the non-reverential, the best thing about the draft is it is guaranteed to end.
But rest assured, the NFL's lap-dogging of major contemporary American media will continue to get out of hand.
• • •
CHRIS PLACEK'S REPORT on the impending end of The Elk Grove Bowl demands recall of one of the more memorable fantasy sports events in the region's history.
Back in 1982, Lew Handler and Buddy Finkelberg concocted and hosted the inaugural American Dream Classic at the Northwest suburban kegling center.
("Kegling" - thank you Carmen Salvino, Ray Herr and Lyle and Les Zikes.)
In its first incarnation, amateur bowlers could pay the $1,000 entry fee for a double-elimination shot at a first prize of at least $250,000.
That meant some scores of 157 were winning matches.
If the full field of 1,096 filled, top prize would have been $1 million, which was real money 40 years ago.
Bob Frisk assigned his Most Intrepid Insouciant to cover the six-day happening. Daytime competition was filled with characters - some with pocket protectors and many with Marshall Holman-issue bowling gloves.
OPEN CASH PLAY AT NIGHT was like walking into a thundering version of "The Hustler" by Walter Tevis.
The Insouciant even lost $250 backing some rusty-hooking chums in $50 man-to-boy matches against sharpies from places like South Milwaukee and Garfield Heights Lanes in suburban Cleveland.
One monitoring representative of the LPBA snorted: "This isn't real bowling. This is rewarding non-excellence. Money like this should be going toward rewarding the tours."
Grossly elitist and not true.
The "Classic" eventually drifted to Vegas.
But its genesis at The Elk Grove Bowl was so much "fantastic" Herald City sports fun.
• • •
A DANDY DAILY DOUBLE for Jason Benetti Wednesday:
The talented young play-by-play man got to call the White Sox's gray-sky 7-3 win over the Royals.
That victory ended the eight-game losing streak of "The Sleepy Senor" - Tony La Russa - and his struggling generation gappers.
And, NBC Sports confirmed Benetti will by the lead voice on its Peacock streaming weekly "MLB Sunday Leadoff," a morning series set to begin May 8 with the White Sox at Red Sox.
The Sunday games will start at 10:30 a.m.
Benetti and Adam Amin remain two of the absolutely best young p-b-p-ers in the land.
Chicago viewers should enjoy their rounds of local exclusivity while they can.
• Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears three times weekly, including Thursday and Sunday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com.