It's Over -- Even if the last game hasn't yet been played

  • Despite a game-winning effort for Bears quarterback Nick Foles in Seattle last Sunday, it's been over for the Bears for a while.

    Despite a game-winning effort for Bears quarterback Nick Foles in Seattle last Sunday, it's been over for the Bears for a while. Associated Press

 
Updated 1/1/2022 10:47 AM

We all know when things are over. They are over when the fat lady sings. Or they ain't over until they're over.

We have Dick Motta and Yogi Berra to thank for these important cultural measurements, both of which may, or may not, apply to the ruins of another Bears' season.

 

In any case, the Bears are going to play another football game, two of them, in fact, with honest chances to win each. This may come as a surprise to those who have stopped paying attention and a burden to those who cannot break the habit.

So, is it over, or is it not over? Of course it is over. It has been over for some time and if I had to pinpoint it, I would go back to draft day when both the future and the present were surrendered for Justin Fields, the most overhyped flop since Crystal Pepsi.

The improbable is not unthinkable, which is to say, the Bears could beat the Giants and finish with a win in Minnesota for a 7-10 final tally, my prediction, by the way.

And yet the Bears could lose to the Giants, a team at least as woeful as themselves. The Bears could lose to the Ham Burglar and a flight of lost mallards, on any given Sunday, Monday or Thursday.

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The way things have gone this season, not even losing can be taken for granted, including just when it is over. We thought it was over in Seattle, but that was chiefly due to Seattle's disregard of a capable Nick Foles and Damiere Byrd's indifference to gravity.

Pending how it goes, I am here to prepare the campfire and blow up the air mattress. Here is how to recognize when the season is over.

It Ain't Over Until the Rinse Cycle Spins -- This holds true for both top and front loaders.

It Ain't Over Until the Pizza Burps -- Usually about 3 a.m.

It Ain't Over until Tony La Russa Untucks his Shirt -- And no one wants to be around for that.

It Ain't Over Until the Specimen Comes Back from the Lab -- And not even then if the Russians have learned anything.

It Ain't Over Until the Warranty Expires -- Always the most reliable coincidence.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
 

It Ain't Over Until Seth Meyers Takes a Closer Look -- Meyers is not only a very clever person, he is much preferred to the former finish to the day when a round sidekick would make some goofy generalization about life in the Old West, hold his belly, laugh and say, "Oh, Cisco."

It Ain't Over Until the Zebra Gets a Second Opinion from the Great Replay Toad Under the Hood -- This is particularly true in Green Bay.

It Ain't Over Until the Dog Finds a Place to Pause -- Or that is what those plastic bags in the park dispenser are for.

It Ain't Over Until the Next Bears Coach is Overpraised -- Or George McCaskey is forced to say out loud that he knows as much about football as he does about milking snakes.

It Ain't Over If It's Golf -- No, it is only between holes.

It Ain't Over Until the Middle Seat is Taken by a Mother with a Crying Baby -- After your nasal swab, putting on your mask, taking off your shoes, misplacing your driver's license, being patted down by sausage-thick fingers, you thought you were going to get airborne with enough room for both elbows.

It Ain't Over Until the Uber Driver asks for a Grade -- And unclogs the traffic at Armitage and Halsted.

It Ain't Over Until you Pass the Last Waffle House -- Then you know you are in Key West.

It Ain't Over Until the Elephant Stands on His Two Hind Legs -- Not that Cole Kmet could catch the ball any better in that position.

It Ain't Over Until the Card the Dealer Burns Before the River is the One you Need -- Always the last hand of the night.

It Ain't Over Until the Alumni Sober Up -- That's why you always wait until the parking lots clear in Ann Arbor, Mich.

It Ain't Over Until Matt Nagy Explains Himself -- And even then you wait for the podcast.

It Ain't Over Until the Bookcase behind the Zoom Does Not Include a Title about Donald Trump -- And we all can knit the raveled sleeve of care.

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