Grammar Moses: Five-letter words that start with F

Shame on those of you who thought with a headline like that I was going to break the Numero Uno rule at this newspaper and use the dreaded four-letter F-word.

Which, of course, is "fail."

Nope, today we examine some five-letter F-words that seem to cause us grief.

Up first: "feted" and "fetid."

I saw in a story description recently that a couple of people were going to be "fetted" for their service. That is, they were to be celebrated with a shindig.

The past tense of "fete" is "feted," so in issuing a reminder of its proper spelling it got me thinking: Isn't it weird that having celebrated someone - "feted" - is pronounced exactly the same as "fetid," an adjective that describes something malodorous?

Limburger cheese is "fetid." I can tell you that because my grandfather loved the stuff and used to tease me with a jar of it. Of course, he also enjoyed raw hamburger, creamed pickled herring and Marlboros, so at least he was consistent.

Be mindful of how you spell the two words so you avoid offending someone, which is surely what you'll do if you run a jar of Limburger under an unsuspecting relative's nose.

Next up: "feign," "feint" and "faint"

To "feign" is to pretend to be affected by something, as in "He feigned injury to lull his opponent into a false sense of confidence."

"Faint" has a number of definitions and serves as a noun, adjective and verb.

One adjective stands alone: something that is barely perceptible, as in, "A faint whiff of Drakkar Noir so reviled the woman that she broke up with him on their first date."

Alas, this comes from personal experience.

If you feel faint (adj.) you're woozy. If you feel faint and don't gather yourself, you likely will faint (v.), and if you don't sit or lie down when feeling faint, you might crumple to the floor in a dead faint (n.).

The phrase on the tip of your tongue is "faint of heart," which means one is unable to handle stress.

"Feint" is a noun for a deceptive movement a person will use in a bout or physical game: think boxing or fencing. There is a corresponding verb.

Better yet, think of Michael Jordan's game, which was largely made up of perfectly executed feints (along with some eagle-eye shooting, touch, drive and general awesomeness).

Triplet trouble

Another trio of nettlesome words is "cash," "cache" and "cachet."

Ignoring for now computer storage applications of the word, a "cache" is a collection of like things: a cache of weapons, a cache of Hostess snack cakes. To store these things is to "cache" them.

It's pronounced just like "cash."

You can cash a check and get cash in return, but if you use all of that cash to buy a Ferrari, does driving it give you "cachet"?

"Cachet," pronounced cash-A, is prestige.

I'm superficial enough to be impressed by that.

Gib's turn at bat

Constant reader Gib Van Dine always has interesting things to write to me about, but I don't mention him enough.

He was enchanted by the mea culpa I offered in a recent column regarding my having to unlearn some of the things I either learned - or was taught - incorrectly as a lad.

"It reminded me that, just yesterday, I 'corrected' my wife for pronouncing 'licorice' like 'licorish,'" Gib said. "So we looked it up, and she was right."

Mea culpas for everyone!

So why isn't artifice pronounced artifish?

Gib suggested I explore how some words are pronounced differently from how they look on paper.

Rather than tackling this fully right now, let's make this a conversation starter.

I'll begin: awry, tough, bough, gist.

From Gib: police, avarice, pressure, sugar, hour, honest, folk, walk and colonel.

Tell me about your favorites.

Write carefully!

• Jim Baumann is vice president/managing editor of the Daily Herald. Write him at jbaumann@dailyherald.com. Put Grammar Moses in the subject line. You also can friend or follow Jim at facebook.com/baumannjim.