A few lessons in cellphone etiquette

Cellphones would seem to be marvelous tools for connecting us to each other. And I guess this is true when you consider how much easier it is to get a hold of people when we are always connected through the wireless wonders in our pockets or purses.

On the other hand, cellphones also seem to be a marvelous way of isolating us from those around us. For example, along the Chicago lakefront this summer, I observed four different couples in which people were busily chatting away on phones while their partners were relegated to being on hold.

With two of these couples the phone users actually were striding along two or three paces ahead of their unattended companions.

Or take the table full of guys at breakfast the other day. At least for as long as we were there, one of them, sometimes two of them, were on phones texting or tweeting or emailing at any given time.

Whether at the lakefront or the breakfast table, it wasn't hard to pick up on people's irritation at their companions' preoccupation with their cell conversations and messages. I mean, who wants to be out with somebody who ignores us in order to communicate with other people who are apparently much more important or interesting than we are.

I'm not saying this is always the case. There are certainly plenty of times when we really need to use our phones even though we are with other people. And sometimes our companions may have just as much of an investment in our phone communication as we do.

Schedule changes, or connecting up with someone, or checking in with the kids are all good reasons for a quick cell check, even if we are with other people.

I suspect, though, that most cellphone interruptions aren't all that necessary. And judging from my informal research, they also aren't all that beneficial to our relationships.

We all want to feel important enough to our friends, families, or colleagues to warrant most, if not all, of their attention when we are together. And considering how hard it is to just find time for the people we care about, we sure don't want to squander an opportunity to enjoy each other's company.

If it is important that we do use our phone when we are with other people, there are a few things we might do to make this less toxic for our relationships.

First, we can get permission from our partners for the interruption. Even if somebody else calls or messages us, we can ask, "Do you mind if I deal with this?" They will almost always say yes, but at least they know we are considering them.

Second, we can limit the length of the interruption. We might even mention to the person we are communicating with that we are with someone else and will get back to them later. That certainly lets our immediate companions know they are important to us.

Finally, we can try to include them in the exchange if at all possible. Especially if it is somebody they know, we can share with our companions the content of the call, text, tweet or whatever and even invite them to get a word in or two. It may be a bit clumsy, but at least they are included.

When it comes right down to it, it sounds like we need to add yet another caution to our cellphone use. Not only are cellphones dangerous to our driving, they may be dangerous to our relationships as well.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."