Families are the best part of Thanksgiving

I always feel like I ought to write something different during the holidays, especially ones like Thanksgiving and Christmas, which are so much a part of family life.

It is usually a struggle, though, for me to come up with anything I think is really worth saying. I tend to be a bit jaded about what our national holidays have come to mean.

For example, I know the first celebrators of Thanksgiving were grateful enough just to have survived the unimagined hardships of the New World. And from all accounts, it was a distinctly religious occasion as well.

The Pilgrims probably ate well, but certainly not with the gusto (and gluttony) of our modern Thanksgiving feasts. And I doubt they then adjourned to the family room to watch football. Nor do I expect they celebrated Thanksgiving as the official beginning of the Christmas retail season (which now seems to begin unofficially sometime in August).

Sorry if I'm putting a damper on your Thanksgiving Day preparations. Like I said, I'm a bit jaded.

Seriously, there do seem to be three underlying themes in our modern celebration of Thanksgiving.

First, we continue to see Thanksgiving as a holiday with religious significance. Though our nation encompasses a vast array of religious orientations, we do seem to all be able to come together in thankfulness to "God" (whichever name we use) for the benefits that many of us enjoy as citizens of this country.

Second, our celebration has important political meaning. It reminds us that we do participate in a particular system of government with distinct benefits in comparison to most of the alternatives.

Finally, Thanksgiving continues to be a holiday with strong family implications. It is a time when those of us with intact and healthy families can remind ourselves of just how fortunate we are, and when we can also heighten our sensitivity to the many who do not share such a blessing.

There has been a good deal of recent press, however, on a crisis in the American family. I imagine, then, that many of us many be wondering whether we can, indeed, be thankful for the current condition of this basic social institution.

This Thanksgiving, I thought it might be worthwhile for me (as a person who studies families for a living) to share why I am both thankful for, and optimistic about, the state of the American family.

First, I am thankful that families have simply survived. There have always been rough times for families. In previous eras, though, the family was usually one of the resources we fell back on when things fell apart. Economic crisis, war, etc., were times when the family rallied together and gained strength in the process.

Today our families seem to be one of the things that are falling apart. The societal pressures people continue to face too often seem to be more than our "fragile" families can bear. Our relationships crumble under the weight of unemployment, drug use, urban blight, inflation and more. Rather than being a source of strength, often we find our family life adding to the sense of crisis in our lives.

Yet, our families are surviving. They may not always look the same as they did 50 or even 20 years ago, but we still call them families and they still serve most, if not all, of the same functions as the families of years gone by.

Second, I am thankful we are adapting our families to meet new circumstances. In reality, the family has never been a static institution. It has always been in flux, and probably always will be. The Chicago family of 2015 is different from the Chicago family of 1960. But that family was certainly different from a family of 1940, or 1910, or 1880, or just 80.

(In fact, the many Christians who bemoan the state of the modern family haven't done their Bible study. Families of the historical periods described in the Bible often make modern families look downright stable.)

Families always have changed to meet the demands of the societies of which they are a part. For example, a farm-based culture encouraged large families. A technological society encourages smaller families.

Recent economic pressures have led many women to seek careers in addition to that of family manager. Other women have made such a choice out of their own desire to grow and develop. The family has adapted to both.

Divorce has traumatized a significant number of families. Though the causes of such failure are varied, our families do adapt and continue to meet our needs.

Infertility has become yet another challenge to the health of many families. Other couples choose not to have children. We have come to see such families as yet another acceptable adaptation of family structure in our society.

Families brought together through adoption, foster care or remarriage have challenged our belief in the necessity of "blood relations." Such families more and more are seen to be yet another example of the American family adapting.

I could go on, but I think my point is clear. Past, present and, yes, future families have, are and will constantly be in flux. And in the midst of all this adapting, our families thrive. I am thankful for that.

Third, I am grateful for the reality that the family still seems to be the best way for people to meet their needs for closeness. No matter what other ways we experiment with - from communes to living together - sooner or later a vast majority of us fall back on some form of family connectedness. When we think of the love, the support, the belongingness we all need, ultimately our thoughts turn to family.

Finally, and paradoxically, I am grateful we are more than simply part of a family. We are also individuals. No matter how rough our family life may have been, even if we had next to no family life at all, we can still choose to live out our God-given potential as individuals.

We can make as much or as little out of our lives as we wish. Our families play a significant role in our growth and development, but they are not the last word on who we are or the life we live.

That's not a long list, but I think it is an important one. This Thanksgiving, I hope you will take a moment, even a brief one, and say a prayer of thanks for families. I know I will. Have an enjoyable holiday.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."