Parents can help kids overcome boredom mindset

"I'm bored."

I mean, I'm not saying I'm bored, but that's something I heard from a teenager the other day.

What I wouldn't give for the time to be bored. Most everybody I know is barely able to keep up, what with their jobs, household responsibilities and family. Boredom actually sounds like a nice change of pace sometimes.

And I sure wish that when I was that teen's age I had half as much to do as he does - toys, videos, bikes, books, pets, sports. He could play all day and never do the same thing twice. How can he possibly be bored?

The reality is, boredom has nothing to do with how much time we have, how much we have to do, or what we have to do. Boredom is more a reflection of our attitude about life and about ourselves.

It is easy, given the pace at which our culture moves, to assume that all life has to be lived at a sprint. The possibility that we might walk on occasion, or even stand still, seldom occurs to us unless we are forced by illness, accident or some other unforeseen obstacle to slow down.

And when we do slow down, for whatever reason, we can experience boredom simply out of our inexperience at living a less frantic (and healthier) pace.

We also live in a world that teaches us really interesting things are big, splashy, exciting, intense, immediate and short-lived. We start to expect life to be like some personalized music video. Because of this, activities that are more sedate, require some investment in time and energy, or offer simple pleasure rather than an intense high (say, reading a book), are often shunned as being just plain boring.

Finally, our attitude about ourselves also comes into play. If we see ourselves as passive recipients waiting for someone else to entertain us or tell us what to do, we are likely to experience boredom any time we are left to our own resources.

Of course, our teenagers also manage to push our "am I being a good parent?" buttons whenever they say something like "I'm bored." You know the button I'm talking about, it activates thoughts like: "If I were a better parent my kids wouldn't ______," or "If my children are unhappy about ______, it must be my fault." (Just fill in the blank with whatever parenting failure you're struggling with at the moment.)

Though such parental guilt is usually counterproductive, it does point us to the truth that we can do something here. We certainly cannot banish boredom from our children's existence. We can, however, teach them two important lessons.

First, we can help them appreciate stillness. To walk slowly, to stop and think or feel - or even just "be" - are worthwhile activities.

Second, we can teach them to be responsible for themselves. Rather than passively waiting for someone or something else to direct them, they can learn to choose for themselves how to fill the spaces in their lives.

Actually, we can help our children most by how we live our own lives. If all they see our own frantic efforts to have our lives filled for us with short-term highs, they are likely to do the same with theirs. They may wind up busy, but bored nonetheless (which is the fate of many of us parents, I suspect).

If, on the other hand, we model for them an appreciation of a slower pace now and then, and a comfortable responsibility for our own choices, they have the possibility of becoming adults who truly appreciate and enjoy their lives.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."