Complainers' negative thoughts produce negative results

Everyone complains at some time about something.

I certainly have complained on this job. I'm also not alone as the newspaper business everywhere battles through a very difficult stage.

The right to gripe may be an inalienable right of all employees and managers.

However, nothing bothers me more than a person who constantly gripes and complains about everything, and not just job-related. They're no fun to be around.

They walk in the door and start complaining.

Whiners are irritating because they're obviously unhappy people. They can suck all the life right out of you.

They never seem to find the positive in anything. Everything is always bad.

When a complainer then has a legitimate complaint, you can't take them seriously. Is it a serious complaint or just another gripe?

According to minister Will Bowen of Kansas City, Mo., in a Newsweek article by Lisa Miller, complaining has become such an automatic response to life's little setbacks that people don't even realize they're doing it.

As he points out, negative talk produces negative thoughts, and negative thoughts produce negative results.

Bowen passed out purple rubber "Spirit" bracelets to each person in his 200-member congregation. He then challenged them to stop complaining for 21 days. Each time you heard yourself complain, you were to switch the bracelet to the other wrist and start the clock over.

Bowen said it took him three months to stop complaining.

I know what type of complaints we deal with on a daily basis in this newspaper business, and I can imagine how many complaints administrators, teachers and coaches have to deal with over a school year.

How does an athletic director, for example, deal with those chronic complainers in his or her high school, especially when those complainers may be the coaches and parents?

Writing in Coach and Athletic Director magazine, Dr. David Hoch points to the need for understanding the chronic complainers because they usually are what they are because they are insecure, jealous and perhaps deficient in self-esteem.

"Complaining gives them a platform," he writes, "and makes them the center of attention.

"If it is a legitimate complaint that concerns the athletic department or athletic director personally, both coach and parent should go directly to the AD. The rumor mill or backstabbing is a totally unacceptable approach.

"Deal with the complainers as soon as possible before they begin drawing crowds," he writes. "Naysayers can be damaging to your program. Nip their potential mischief in the bud."

Dr. Hoch points out that there are times when you have to tell the complainers that a lot of things are beyond your control and they're wasting everyone's time and energy by approaching you with these complaints.

Suggestions are always welcome, but once a decision is made, that should be the end of the matter.

Dr. Hoch believes in the proactive approach to problems.

He's aware of the refrains even within the high school itself that "athletes get special attention" and "athletics are considered more important than academics at this school."

He stresses that you can't let those claims go unchallenged. The complainers should understand that it often requires a lot of insight to come up with the right answers.

"Since it takes valuable time and energy for an AD to deal with chronic complainers," Dr. Hoch writes, "learn to anticipate which issues may spark an uproar. Prepare a rebuttal ahead of time and have handouts ready for distribution … post educational information on your Web site."

There's no such thing as a complaint-free existence.

Dr. Laura Schlessinger has written a new book, "Stop Whining, Start Living," and she insists that few things are worth complaining about, but if you do find something, complain, make it short and move on.

As she insists, life is "crappy and unfair," but it's also full of blessings. The key to happiness is an ability to "balance the beauty with the (bleep)."

When you gripe about something, remember that complaining takes no talent and no skills.

Anyone can do it.