Dealing with cancer in family can take many forms

Tammy Denardo of Batavia says she was devastated when her younger sister Kim, who lives in St. Charles, was diagnosed with breast cancer in July.

"I told my mother that I had to do something," Denardo said. "Giving emotional support can only do so much. But what? And then I thought about making jewelry."

"So I decided to take on this adventure for my sister," said Denardo, 38, who was laid off from her job in June. "There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her."

In addition to providing emotional support and helping to care for her sister's children while Kim, who is 35, receives treatment, Denardo started making bracelets of crystal beads and sterling silver. She sells them at local craft shows where her art sparks conversation.

"People have a lot of different cancer stories," she said. "I can tell them my story and we end up having a support group."

Except for buying materials, all of the proceeds from Denardo's sales go to help pay her sister's portion of the medical bills after insurance.

"The sooner she can pay it off, the sooner she can start her life over," Denardo said.

No single approach

Not everyone has the ability or resources to start a small business to help a family member, but it isn't necessary.

Todd Burnett, a psychologist who heads psychological services at Delnor-Community Hospital in Geneva, thinks what Denardo is doing is "wonderful." He says there are also other ways to help.

"Cancer is a very personal experience," Burnett said. "There is no cookie cutter approach, no one answer. But family members should listen, get close enough to find out how the person with cancer wants to deal with it.

"Some family members are afraid to talk about a cancer diagnosis, but generally the person who has been diagnosed wants to talk about it," Burnett said. "Sharing the experience can help them get through it ... or not talking, if that's what they want."

Burnett added that isolation can add to an already difficult time.

"Cancer has a lot of buddies, like depression and anxiety," Burnett said. "Treatment can be difficult. The family member with cancer shouldn't be isolated."

Burnett recommends support groups, like those offered by LivingWell Cancer Resource Center in Geneva. The facility provides free education and support to cancer patients and their families.

"Family members can just be there, lend a listening ear," said Nancy Vance, executive director of LivingWell.

"Cancer affects the whole family, and caregivers can feel left out. We teach caregivers the basics and try to lift them up and empower them. And let them know that they should also nourish themselves."

Closer relationship

Denardo said she plans to continue to make and sell jewelry after Kim recovers. Kim has completed eight rounds of chemotherapy. Her doctors want her to take about six months to recover from the chemo before any further treatment.

Kim, who does not want her last name revealed, said she is "incredibly grateful" to Denardo for the help. The ordeal has brought them closer together.

"Words can't explain how I feel," Kim said. "I can't do things now to raise awareness, like go on a cancer walk. Tammy is going above and beyond. Without my family to help, I wouldn't be where I am today."