What do women really want in a mate?

Editor's note: This is the second of two parts.

Last week we talked about recent research that suggests men are biogenetically predetermined toward multiple mates, and why we need to be cautious about such seeming justification for certain behaviors.

Now, there is another variant to this theme as it applies to women. For the same researchers who tell us that men are not by nature monogamous also assert that women are biogenetically predetermined to be attracted to men who are seen as wealthy, powerful and virile.

I guess it makes some sense. A cave woman looking for a mate might want someone who has sufficient food, clothing, shelter; who is able to defend her and their offspring; and who would father healthy children.

So why couldn't such predisposition wind up being built right into our biogenetic makeup? And the stereotype of the young attractive woman on the arm of the middle-aged or older business tycoon or Hollywood hunk or millionaire athlete is certainly alive and well today.

The real question, however, is not what is built into our genes, but what is best for us and for the people we are responsible for. Wealth, power and virility do not necessarily translate into the characteristics necessary for a healthy male/female relationship at this point in history.

In fact, it may be just the opposite. Sensitivity, compassion, respect, openness, flexibility - and all the other qualities that help men succeed in relationships (or as parents) - are not necessarily those that lead to success in business or politics or medicine or show business or sports or other lucrative and prestigious vocations.

Biogenetic predisposition is one thing. Wisdom is another. When it comes to choosing a partner for a long-term intimate relationship, women need to attend to their own inner sense of what is right for them (and their future children), rather than the outward trappings of wealth, power or virility.

• The Rev. Ken Potts is a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist with Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Centers, Naperville and Downers Grove.