Inter-parish conference to offer marriage tips
If you feel like the fun days of your marriage have fizzled amidst a flurry of dirty diapers or laundry, mortgage payments and exhaustion, an upcoming marriage enrichment conference may be just what's needed by you and your spouse.
A group of Catholic parishes from the Lisle and Naperville areas is hosting the first inter-parish marriage enrichment conference from 12:30 to 5 p.m. April 26 at Benedictine University's Krasa Center, second floor, 5700 College Road, Lisle.
While each parish usually offers its own occasional marriage workshop, by combining efforts they are able to bring in Brent Atkinson, a psychiatrist and Northern Illinois University faculty member to lead "Breaking the Cana Code: Secrets of a Successful Marriage."
Atkinson has taught marriage counseling therapy for years and has a practice in Geneva that focuses on couples, said Dan O'Grady, a member of St. Thomas the Apostle parish in Naperville, who helped organize the conference.
"His entire focus has been on healthy relationships and marriage," said O'Grady, who is also a psychiatrist.
For many years research on marriage focused on troubled relationships, he said. But more recently, researchers have started looking at successful and healthy marriages and discovered some common keys to their longevity and happiness.
Atkinson, who has appeared on Oprah and been quoted in many national publications, has studied and conducted his own research and developed the 10 essential habits for a successful marriage. He offers the program in a five-week course for couples, but the format is being modified for the afternoon conference.
O'Grady said in his own practice and study, he has found one important common thread in successful relationships.
"They really try to value one another," he said.
Sometimes a put-down is done unconsciously by simply rolling the eyes or dismissing a partner's suggestion or comments. Other times it is a conscious put-down or judgmental retort.
It's a hard pattern to break, but it can be altered so partners are listening to one another and valuing each other's positions and input, O'Grady added.
Taking the time to work on these skills isn't easy when couples are running from work to children's activities to school meetings and more.
"They know now that children coming along is the single biggest stressor on a marriage," he said.
Often couples find their level of commitment to the marriage has deepened after having children, but they find themselves emotionally distant from each other at the same time.
Two important tools couples will learn at the conference are how to work on improving the friendship in their marriage and how to process conflict more effectively, he said.
Although sponsored by several Catholic parishes, the conference is open to couples of all faiths, said Gene Pawlik, a member of the St. Elizabeth Seton parish in Naperville.
"The focus is on people who want to enrich their marriage," Pawlik said.
The cost is $25 per couple until April 13 and $30 after that date. There is room for about 400 people in Benedictine's Krasa center and reservations are recommended.
For details or to register on-line, go to www.dioceseofjoliet.org/JOBinserts/2008-04/2008MarrEnrich.pdf.
Participating parishes in Naperville include St. Elizabeth Seton, (630) 416-3325; St. Thomas the Apostle, (630) 355-8980; St. Raphael, (630) 355-4545; St. Margaret Mary, (630) 369-0777; Holy Spirit Catholic Community (630) 922-0081; St. Joan of Arc, (630) 963-4500 in Lisle; and St. Scholastica (630) 985-2351 in Woodridge. Details also are available by calling the parish offices.
If you go…
What:"Breaking the Cana Code: Secrets of a Successful Marriage" is an inter-parish marriage conference open to couples of all faiths with Brent Atkinson, co-founder of the Couples Clinic in Geneva.
When:12:30 to 5 p.m. April 26
Where:Krasa Center, second floor, Benedictine University, 5700 College Road, Lisle
Cost:$25 per couple until April 12; $30 per couple from April 13-25