Sense of humor needed when dealing with teens
It occurs sometime in early adolescence, though we certainly see it coming long before that.
Our teenagers give us that look of disdain, impatience or frustration that clearly says we are no longer the recipients of their unconditional admiration and respect. And if there is any doubt in our minds as to the loss of our previous stature, we only have to listen to their none too subtle muttering as they walk away shaking their heads: “What do you know?” or “I don't believe you said that,” or “You are so dumb.”
Young children naturally and necessarily look up to their parents. They need to believe we can do anything, solve any problem and protect them from any threat. They have to feel safe and secure to grow and develop appropriately and, since they can't provide it for themselves, they see us as the source of that safety and security.
Two things happen, however, as our children grow older. First, they learn sooner or later that we are mere mortals with all the failings that such mortality implies. We can't always fix their bike, do their math homework, or make the bully down the street disappear.
Second, they start to assert their own independence. They want to do things themselves, figure it out on their own, fight their own fights.
That's not all bad. Our kids need to know we're human if they are ever going to accept their own humanity. They need to see our shortcomings and failings if they are going to see their own. And we certainly want them to grow up and be independent.
It's just that we'd like to be helped off not knocked off our pedestals. I mean, couldn't our teenagers just let us down gently?
Probably not; remember, they are still children. But there actually are some things we parents can do to make this family transition easier, or at least easier on us.
Maybe the best thing we can do is to have a sense of humor. As irritating as our adolescents can be, they are just going through a phase. It won't be long before they are struggling with adult life themselves. Believe me, they won't be half as self satisfied and condescending when it's their turn. And we can even sometimes join them in their laughter at our inadequacies. Let's face it, we can be rather ridiculous at times.
It will also help if we don't spend a good deal of time defending ourselves and our decisions. We might even want to admit we're wrong every now and then. It is perfectly OK to say things like, “I'm not sure I'm right, but that's my decision,” or “I guess I was wrong, sorry about that.”
Finally, we do have a right to insist on a certain level of respect and consideration from our teenagers, just as we do from anyone else. We may be parents, but we are people, too. And if we treat them with respect, we do insist on the same from them.
Oh, and when all else fails, we can also look forward to the day when we get to see their adolescent children roll their eyes and walk away muttering under their breath. I can hardly wait.