Yes, we really do need other people

There has always been a bit of the “romantic” in our image of the “loner.”

You know, the strong, silent type who rides off by himself it is almost always a him after rescuing the damsel in distress or saving the townspeople from the bad guys.

Yet, ironically, such loners are much more likely to have physical and emotional problems than the people they leave behind.

In fact, a recent university study suggests that a lack of positive social relationships actually puts us at greater risk of dying before or time.

If it was just one study, we might get away with ignoring it. Every year, however, more and more evidence is piling up that having people in our lives is directly related to physical health, emotional stability, longer life, overall happiness, a sense of well-being and meaning, etc.

In fact, if you want to talk major risk factors, lack of social relationships rivals the effects of smoking cigarettes, high blood pressure or obesity in its negative impact on our lives.

What's the old saying? “People you can't live with them, you can't live without them.” It's a lot more true than we thought.

Some researchers suggest positive social ties promote health through lowering the level of stress hormones in our bodies. Others note the presence or touch of another person has been shown to lower heart rate and blood pressure. It has also been posited that the sense of commitment, responsibility, purpose and self-worth that arise from relatedness motivates us to take better care of ourselves.

Of course, destructive relationships can have a negative impact on our overall health. There is a direct correlation between such factors as marital failure, parent-child conflict, a chaotic friendship, poor working relationships and physical illness, emotional discomfort and so forth.

There is a very practical implication for all of us in such research. If positive relationships are so important, then it makes sense to put in the time and effort to keep our current relationships as healthy as we can.

As uncomfortable as our marriage might be right now, as much trouble as we are having with our kid, no matter how much struggle a friendship has proved to be, or how tense our interaction with a co-worker has become it still is a good idea to do all we can to repair or rebuild these relationships.

On the other hand, when such repairing or rebuilding is not possible, it also means we are not doing anyone a favor by just letting things go on as they are. When an unhealthy relationship is allowed to continue unchanged, the research is clear that we all wind up paying a long-term price much greater than we previously had anticipated.

So what do we do? It would seem to me that our first step ought to be to take a long hard look at the quality of the relationships in our lives and what we might do to improve it.

Second, if we can't improve things ourselves, we'd better get help. A qualified marriage and family or relational therapist might be a good resource for us to check out. People need people. In fact, our very lives may depend upon it.