Bruce Conley leaves a legacy of caring

In a lifetime devoted to helping grieving families heal, Bruce Conley was considered a visionary in how a funeral home could best serve its community.

Conley, 60, who served as a funeral director in Elburn nearly four decades, died Saturday after battling liver cancer for the past two years.

"He was such a visionary and was so far ahead on everything that has evolved (in the funeral industry)," said Tigger Kainz, who has worked at Conley Funeral Home for nine years and was a classmate and friend of Conley in the Kaneland High School Class of 1968.

"Bruce always told us that the funeral service was just a Band-Aid on the grief, and that everything else we do is what helps the family," Kainz said. "I was part of the crisis teams that Bruce would take into the schools (to address a tragedy) and it was one of the most difficult things we did, yet it was the most rewarding."

A key part of Conley's philosophy about healing manifested itself in his creation in 1995 of the nonprofit Conley Outreach Community Services, which helped grieving children and adults in all facets of community life.

"It started with bereavement programs and expanded about 10 years ago to include programs that link people to other services," Outreach director Carol Alfrey said. "People would tend to call Bruce no matter what, and this was a reflection of him wanting to help in other ways."

Alfrey said Conley was like "George Bailey in 'It's a Wonderful Life,' because for the past two years the community has had a chance to tell him how much they loved him."

One of Conley's proudest moments came with the Conley Outreach Farm in Kaneville, where many of the programs he envisioned evolved when volunteers created a prayer garden and helped host programs and gatherings at the existing buildings. In 2005, Conley and Kris, his wife of 37 years, moved from Elburn to make their home at that farm.

While music was his love in high school and during his first years in college, Conley also studied communications. But he eventually decided to follow the family's funeral home business and studied mortuary science. He joined the Conley Funeral Home in 1973, and took over operations when his father, Chuck Conley, died in 1991.

Conley's sister, Karen Howard, worked side-by-side with her brother on various aspects of the funeral home operation, including cowriting the poetry and books aimed at helping grieving families.

"We wrote a lot of poems and had them on display at the funeral home, and people would just encourage us to publish them," Howard said.

The most popular book was "Handling the Holidays," which helped grieving families during the holidays or other special occasions after a loved one had passed.

"My brother always had a plan," Howard said. "His head was always working in thinking of new and better ways to do something."

Kris Conley said it was amazing how many people came to her husband over the years to express appreciation for how one of his lectures or presentations changed their lives.

"Hundreds of people were praying for a miracle," during her husband's illness, Kris said. "But he kept saying we cannot disregard the final miracle.

"Instead of just six months, like many doctors were saying, we had almost two years," Kris said of Conley's determination to fight his disease.

Conley was a member of the Illinois Funeral Directors Association, the National Funeral Directors Association, Blackberry Lodge 630, and the Community Congregational Church.

"It's hard to put into words how caring and compassionate he was," said Conley Funeral Home office manager Janet Hauser. "I was Bruce's biggest cheerleader before I ever started working here, and you couldn't ask for a nicer family to work with."

Hauser said that Conley always called his funeral home operation "a well-greased wheel" and that every employee knew what had to be done to help a family heal.

In the last eight months of Conley's illness, his son, Ben, has operated the funeral home.

"This will be a smooth transition because Ben has been the other funeral director all along," Hauser said. "And he had good teacher."

Conley was born April 13, 1950 in Elburn to Charles and Winifred McMurray Conley. He is survived by his wife, Kris; his son, Ben (C.J.) Conley of Sugar Grove; his daughter, Sarah Conley of Seattle, Wash; his sister, Karen (Les) Howard; four grandchildren; a niece; sister-in-law; and aunts and uncles.

Visitation will be 2 to 8 p.m. Thursday at the Orchard Community Church, 101 S. Barnes Road, Aurora. Services will held at 10 a.m. Friday at the church, with interment in Blackberry Cemetery, Elburn.