Hawks take hospitality to a new low

Clear your schedule if the Blackhawks invite you to a party at their place.

Judging by the Vancouver Canucks on Saturday night, you'll be both the entertainment and entertained.

Seriously, hand-carry the RSVP to the designated address. If it says "you and a guest," bring along your absolute best friend or best spouse.

"Welcome back, Vancouver, we've been waiting for you," the message on the United Center's big screen said.

That was just before the puck dropped for Game 1 of the teams' Western Conference semifinal series.

Not long after that, the Canucks double-dipped all the chips, skinny-dipped in the punch bowl and hot-dipped the Hawks in a tub of oil.

The hosts even gave the Canucks a couple party favors: A 5-1 victory and home-ice advantage in the best-of-seven series.

"We can't be happy in any respect with what happened tonight," Hawks coach Joel Quenneville said, looking like he just drank a warm beer.

To think, the Hawks were looking forward to this rematch after beating the Canucks in the same playoff round last year.

Part of the problem so far this time around was that Roberto Luongo's invitation wasn't lost in the mail.

(For the uninitiated, Luongo is Vancouver's goalie. The Hawks' plan was to create traffic in front of him but rush hour hasn't begun yet.)

For the record, Luongo was particularly sharp while Hawks' goalie Antti Niemi was particularly ordinary.

"The difference was our goaltender shut them down," Vancouver coach Alain Vigneault said.

Cristobal Huet replaced Niemi for the third period, so do the Hawks have a goalie controversy? No, not at all.

"I'm not blaming the goaltender at all," Quenneville said.

Maybe the Hawks have to go back to wingers Adam Burish and Ben Eager, healthy scratches in Game 1, just to have somebody with enough spunk to crash their own party and Vancouver's net.

You would have thought the Hawks would be inspired, you know, what with "Hockey Night in Canada" analyst Don Cherry showing up wearing the drapes from the Motel 6 in Monkey's Eyebrow, Ky.?

Instead the Hawks were sluggish, perhaps attributable to moving up in class from first-round opponent Nashville to second-rounder Vancouver.

If the Predators were like a river, the Canucks are like rapids. Nashville can grind; Vancouver can skate. The Preds lulled the Hawks; the Canucks wowed them. The Preds were frustrating; the Canucks were dominating, at least for a night.

The game accelerated in speed like the Hawks were football players going from college to the NFL.

The Canucks were one fun hockey team to watch. That's what the Hawks did on the ice along with the 22,184 fans gasping in the stands.

By the time the Hawks did arrive a bit, and more than a bit late, some Canucks were skating around with lampshades on their heads and others were swinging from chandeliers.

The Blackhawks might want to show up earlier for Monday night's Game 2 or they'll be bounced from their own party sooner than later.