You have control over your response to life's troubles

"This is not what I planned."

So often in psychotherapy, after people have laid out for me the problems or tragedies that led them to seek help, they will conclude their stories with something like the above. Or, perhaps, "I never thought I'd get to this -" or "I had no way of knowing -" or just "How did I get into this mess?"

It would certainly be more convenient to be able to predict what challenges we are going to have to deal with in the days or months ahead. And though we all can fall into the trap of blaming everyone else for our difficulties, most of us also recognize the need to figure out what we contributed to our problems.

Yet even if we are pretty good at seeing the future, even if we are self-aware enough to know how we make our own messes, life is such that a lot of problems we will face will be both unforeseen and out of our control.

Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the Nazi concentration camps of World War II, maintained his sanity in those insane conditions by studying the survival of those around him.

Obviously, no one could have predicted or planned for such an experience. And the victims of such racial hatred could hardly be blamed for their persecution. With neither control nor culpability, how then could people remain physically, emotionally and spiritually intact in the face of the random degradation and death?

Frankl discovered that those men, women and children who remained at least reasonably healthy were those who saw themselves as at least in control of their response to the fate that had befallen them. It was as if these survivors said to themselves, "I may not be able to control what happens to me, but I will control what I do about what happens to me."

People with this attitude still were subjected to the inhuman violence of their captors. However, they tended to not only be mentally healthier in the midst of this insanity, but physically healthier as well.

In claiming what little power they seemed to have over their own fates, these people were, in fact, often more powerful than those who tormented them. And observing a spiritual calm that seemed to permeate these peoples' existence, Frankl concluded that a spiritual centeredness was at the foundation of their power.

Such a shift in viewing ourselves as being powerful rather than powerless does not necessarily change the problems we face. Nor does it mean we won't feel hurt, angry or frightened. And it does not ensure that we will suffer no loss, tragedy or harm.

It does, however, seem to increase our ability to survive the problems life throws our way. And it can even make us more effective in dealing with them.

We can't predict, plan for or control much of what we we'll have to deal with in this world. We can decide now that we will respond as people of strength.

It does make a difference.

• The Rev. Ken Potts' new book, "Mix, Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement, and Remarriage with Children," will be available this spring.