Making Scott Lee Cohen folk hero says more about us

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard." - H.L. Mencken.

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No sooner does the outrage of bumbling Illinois voters compel unqualified lieutenant governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen to issue a blubbery withdrawal from the race, the populace starts lining up with this request: "Thank you, sir. May I have another?"

Callers to WLS 890-AM talk radio Monday pledged passionate support for Cohen as he went on the air with hosts Don Wade and Roma. Apparently people now recognize Cohen as one of those "real" Americans, "a man of the people" and even some kind of "hero" who was wronged by the Democratic Party, Pat Quinn, Dick Durbin, Mike Madigan, politics, the mainstream media and possibly a prostitute whom Cohen says he thought was a massage therapist.

Callers begged Cohen to run as an independent candidate. They offered to send him money. They promised to vote for him.

Why?

Well, let's recap his qualifications to be a heartbeat away from running a large state with enough problems to qualify as the Scott Lee Cohen of states. Before he won the election, he was a pawnbroker with some tax woes who was accused of being behind in his child-support payments but still spent $2 million on campaign ads. He had a steroid problem during his failed marriage and followed that up by living with a prostitute whom Cohen says lied about him holding a knife to her throat. He says he was clueless that his live-in girlfriend was a prostitute, but she issued a news release calling him unfit for public office, and the media wrote about it so Cohen announced his teary withdrawal from the statewide race while the Super Bowl halftime show artists formerly known as The Who were asking the 1970s musical question, "Who are you?"

So you can understand why some voters are clamoring for Cohen to lead us. He's just like us - providing we took steroids during the time when we were accused of domestic violence against women, and spent a couple of million bucks on our dream that we abandoned as soon as the media made us cry and we let the Democrats recall us as if we were a speeding Toyota.

Cohen says all he wanted to do was "help people," and you know that Mother Teresa, had she had $2 million to spend, probably would have figured out the best way to help people is to run for lieutenant governor. Cohen might be the best candidate since Joe the Plumber (a guy with a tax lien and no plumber's license) captured the public's hearts and minds by being the same sort of everyman. Joe has gone on to write a book, give motivational speeches and recently criticize everywoman Sarah Palin because he thought her Tea Party Convention speech last weekend had too much GOP and not enough true Tea Party. Joe the Plumber hasn't run for public office yet because he notes that "God hasn't said, 'Joe, I want you to run.'"

If God were an Illinois voter, maybe Joe the Plumber could be the lead dog to Cohen's pony in some hastily formed gubernatorial slate for the Dog & Pony Show Party. Meanwhile, the Dems will begin their search for a new lieutenant governor candidate by interviewing people who turned down the chance to be the offensive coordinator for the Chicago Bears.

I wouldn't be surprised if Cohen gets back in the race. After all, he called stepping down "the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life," and that means it's more difficult than quitting steroids, getting a divorce or putting an unhappy end to a relationship with a prostitute.

Perhaps we the people are just ignorant, maybe even stupid, and we get mad and vote without doing any research or thinking beyond whatever emotional instinct rises from our rage. If that is indeed whom we have become, maybe Mencken's definition of democracy is dead-on and Cohen truly would be a perfect representative of the people.