Family wins race vs. itself

When Marlin Keesler decided to run his first marathon, he saw it more as another life goal to check off his list than the start of any kind of longer commitment.

The Streamwood man didn't expect it to turn into a quest to run 50 marathons in 50 states -- a feat rarer, he says, than climbing Mount Everest.

The bigger surprise was what he got out of the pursuit that can't be quantified by miles run or states visited: a deeper, more intimate bond with his wife Jeanne and children Austin and Erin.

Theirs was a family nearly torn apart over the stresses of dealing with the children's developmental, physical and social challenges that in some cases took years for doctors to explain and, in others, are still not fully understood.

Complete Coverage Video Family wins race vs. itself Book excerpt In his self-published book "Our Life on the Run," Streamwood's Marlin Keesler recounts running 50 marathons and how the experience brought his family together after his son was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. Keesler writes of having a dream that a box with a treasure appears in front of him, but when he breaks it open, its contents -- a mirror -- shatter into tiny shards: "#8230; Initially, I thought the [dream] applied to [my son Austin. At five years old, there was something very different about him. He was not yet communicating in full sentences, had problems with motor skills, difficulty socially fitting in with other kids his age and, at times, he was oppositional. We knew something wasn't right, but we couldn't figure out exactly why. He certainly was a tough nut to crack. Was he the treasure yet to be revealed? "It would be another seven years of frustration and grief before he was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. #8230; As Erin grew up, she displayed many of the same characteristics as Austin. We spent years beating ourselves up worrying that we were doing something wrong only to discover the answer was autism. All along I reflected on my dream and reminded myself that our children are two wonderful gifts that each require very careful unpacking to reveal their true treasures within."

Austin is now 18, but he was 12 before he got a diagnosis for the slow development of his communication skills his parents had noticed for years: Asperger's syndrome, a high-functioning form of autism.

Erin, now 15, hasn't been formally diagnosed with Asperger's. But Marlin and Jeanne feel in their hearts Erin shares many of her brother's traits.

What doctors agree she does have is Turner syndrome, which occurs in girls born without two fully formed X chromosomes. This commonly causes short stature, underdevelopment and infertility and can be associated with an array of complications, from arthritis to kidney problems to diabetes.

"She had a special-needs label, which made her path through school easier," Marlin said of Erin.

But it was Austin -- who struggled with language even before starting school and with academics and socializing after -- who was more in need of stronger guidance.

"He started developing a rebellion to school," Marlin said. "We suggested holding him back, but school officials were against that idea."

Having lost his own father to suicide when Marlin was 9, he knew the consequences of letting personal problems get out of control.

He and Jeanne kept looking for answers, but Austin's problems were subtle and hard to characterize. This was in the mid-'90s and, even then, awareness of autism was significantly less than where it is today.

"Third grade was horrendous and a real eye-opener," Marlin said. "He was becoming withdrawn and alienated. We felt we were losing this kid."

Austin's struggles also caused tension between his parents. Jeanne's instinct was to help him cope by doing most of his homework for him. This upset Marlin and started arguments with her.

"It was at this point we knew we had to do something," Marlin said. "We sat beside the bed and talked about this. What we decided we were going to do was get away from this house for a weekend."

A quest is born

A weekend wasn't much time, but Marlin and Jeanne saw the change of scenery helped relieve some of the tension inside Austin and in the whole family dynamic.

That prompted them to travel together to Houston for Christmas break in 1998, where Marlin would run in the marathon he'd been talked into by a colleague. He'd already run a few others, but this was the first time it became a family trip.

"The first thing you have to understand about the marathons is I hate running," Marlin said, laughing. "I really do."

So continuing to do more of them was not exactly part of the plan.

A day before the race -- while Austin and Erin played at the hotel pool -- Marlin and Jeanne decided to make a list of what they were doing wrong as parents.

And that's when the truth struck.

Marlin realized his near-addiction to his overnight airline job was turning him into an absent father who wasn't appropriately addressing his children's needs.

He'd been volunteering for extra hours so co-workers could take time off with their families. But he was denying himself the same thing.

"I was an absent dad," he said. "I was never home. I was working 50, 60, 70 hours a week. Even when I was at home, I was too exhausted from work."

On race day, he found himself beside a group wearing T-shirts publicizing their goal to run marathons in every state.

Something clicked.

"This is a way I could reconnect with my kids," he thought. "Each destination could be a learning experience."

And as the years unfolded, this proved to be true. Though school was still a struggle, the fact that the kids had actually been to where George Custer fought, for instance, made history lessons more meaningful.

The concentrated time together as a family, without the distractions or routines of home, allowed the Keeslers to concentrate on learning from each other.

Austin, a senior at Larkin High School in Elgin, has started working at Walgreens. He seemed in particular to benefit from the trips and come out of his shell. In fact, he said meeting new people are his favorite memories of the trips.

Answers at last

Embarking on the 50-marathon quest wasn't a cure-all, of course. School remained a struggle for Austin, who'd started experiencing suicidal thoughts in fifth grade.

It was after 10 marathons, in February 2001, that a psychiatrist finally brought the family in contact with a book on Asperger's syndrome by Tony Attwood.

"As I read this book, it was like Tony Attwood had lived in this house for the past 10 years," Marlin said. "(Austin) finally got his label at 12, but his whole school foundation was shattered."

The three main characteristics of Asperger's are nonverbal communication that doesn't come naturally but is teachable, slower information processing and an innate innocence that can mean greater vulnerability.

With all 50 marathons now behind them, the members of the Keesler family exude a calm and ease with one another missing from their memories of a decade ago.

Marlin never made all his marathon goals. He didn't qualify for Boston or get Jeanne to run one with him.

But the most important goal was accomplished: Getting the whole family to be able to sit down calmly and comfortably with one another every day.

On a recent evening, they munch on pizza in the living room where Marlin's marathon medals hang in a case on the wall. Erin studiously pores over their life-changing book on Asperger's and asks her parents questions about herself. They don't talk down to her but assume her ability to grasp and recall intellectual facts, having a savant side to her character.

They have come a long way from the tense, uneasy foursome they were. Austin has even run a half-marathon with Marlin recently.

"We're not telling other families you have to do this with your children," Jeanne said of the marathons.

"No, it's more the concept of the quest," Marlin agreed.

Austin now finds wicked humor in the passion behind his father's goals -- especially the one about coaxing Jeanne beyond her cheerleading role at the marathons.

"Imagine -- holding hands and crossing the finish line!" Austin said, imitating his father.

Jeanne insists with a smile, though, that being a cheerleader is her best role at marathons.

In 2006, Marlin self-published a book on his experiences, "Our Life on the Run -- A Story of Running 50 Marathons in 50 States: A Family Quest."

He's also begun talking on the subject to civic and social groups in the Chicago area and will demonstrate the final lesson of his experiences when he leaves his job as a cargo supervisor at Continental Airlines in July.

The time ahead will be spent sharing his families' story with others as well as concentrating more on the family and helping first Austin and later Erin adapt to the greater independence of adulthood.

"I've understood," Marlin said, "that the ladder at work is not where I belong."

Autism awareness

April is Autism Awareness Month. Here are some resources for families affected by autism:

bull; autismspeaks.org

bull; autismillinois.org

bull; autism-society.org/site/PageServer

bull; autismcommunityconnection.com

bull; For more information on Marlin Keesler's book, go to ourlifeontherun.comor call (630) 736-7391.