Glen Ellyn father's efforts help other grieving families

Every year there's a party for a 6-year-old girl who can never attend.

A father holds the event to celebrate his daughter's short life and, at the same time, raise funds for area hospital programs that help grieving families cope with the loss of a child.

In the seven years since Matt Tretter organized the first Caitlin's Cause fundraiser, $170,000 has been generated for hospital bereavement programs. This year's event raised more than $40,000 that will be shared among three children's hospitals.

"I have a keepsake mold of Caitlin's hand that was made just before she died and it's the one thing that I can look at and touch," Tretter said. "Besides pictures, that's all I have left of her and it means a lot to me."

When Tretter learned the handmold program at the University of Chicago's Comer Children's Hospital was on the verge of being scuttled because of funding problems, he wanted to help. He felt obligated to lend a hand to the people who had cared for his daughter during the child's three-year battle with brain cancer and subsequent brain hemorrhage that eventually claimed her life a day after her sixth birthday in 1999. Tretter realized how important the grief programs were to dealing with his own sorrow.

"I didn't know what I was doing the first time," he admitted. "There were around 100 people and I just opened up my house in Glen Ellyn and it was combination raffle and auction and we made $7,000."

The event has outgrown his house. This year, the daylong party was held at Wheaton's VFW hall and attended by more than 300 people. Sports memorabilia, golf outings, dinners, vacations and other items were donated for the auction. Tretter gives his brother, Rob, credit for making the event a draw.

"Well look, Rob wrote a book on this," Tretter said. "And he spends about six months a year on this project writing letters to people with ties to famous people to help out."

The party is by invitation, but Tretter admits it's a pretty loose invitation and no one has ever been turned away.

"We tell people they can bring friends if they want," he said.

Tretter's pal, Phil Laskowsky, has attended all the parties since they began in 2002.

"I think it touches a lot of people because it's for sick kids," Laskowsky said. "And people love Matt and know what he's been through and want to support him because they know this is important to Matt."

Lisa Mulvaney was one of Caitlin's caregivers at Comer during her many stays at that hospital. Tretter calls Mulvaney "Caitlin's favorite." When she took a similar job at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, she asked Tretter to help start the handmold project there.

"A lot of parents give back to the hospitals that took care of their children, but Matt's been amazing," she said. "Just the stamina that he's had year after year and the proceeds from the event increasing exponentially, that's what's unbelievable."

The event is also now raising money for a handmold program at Advocate Lutheran General Children's Hospital in Park Ridge as well as being one of the largest funding sources for the CompanionShip Bereavement program at Comer that offers therapy and other resources for families with sick children. Donations still are being accepted at the event's Web site: www.caitlinscause.org.

"Literally, last year we were in a tight financial situation until we got Matt's $14,000 donation, which was enough to keep us going where we could line up more funding," said Meghan O'Connor, head of Comer's bereavement program. "When you look at our budget, which is in the low $50,000s, the donation is a big chunk of our budget. And unlike grants, Matt allows us to use the money for more than just the handmolds."

The three-dimensional molds are made of plaster and "if done well, it gives a very real replica of the child's hand that captures the lines and prints," Mulvaney said.

Caitlin's hand print is in the center of a heart-shaped cast that now rests in a shadow box that hangs on a wall inside her father's house. Tretter and Caitlin's mother, Carolyn, divorced during the girl's cancer battle. Both are now remarried and Caitlin's mother attends all of the parties thrown in her daughter's honor.

Caitlin was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 1996 and had surgery to remove the growth followed by rounds of chemotherapy. The cancer briefly went into remission, but returned in 1997. This time, the cancer was inoperable. She faced abdominal surgeries as well because the original treatments damaged her intestines, her father said.

"She just took a beating," Tretter said.

Mulvaney said Caitlin took her maladies in stride, but she saw how rough it was on her.

"She was an adorable, just sparkly little light," Mulvaney said of Caitlin. "She was kind of always up for anything. When they asked if she wanted to go to opening day at the Cubs game she was ready for it. She was just full of life, no matter what she was going through."

While recuperating from the intestinal surgeries and waiting to start radiation treatments for the new brain tumor, Caitlin suffered a brain hemorrhage at Tretter's home and never recovered. She was kept on life support for nearly a month before she passed, he said.

While she was on life support, the handmold of Caitlin was taken.

"We didn't know what it was," Tretter said. "They ask if you want a keepsake and we just said 'yes.' I'm so glad we did."

O'Connor said most families take part in the handmold projects. And now, some families with young children who are losing a parent even get a handmold of the parent made for the child.

"It's just like having a little piece of the person with them that's tangible that they can look at and feel," she said. "With children, there are often so little memories because of how short their lives are and to have that actual concrete piece of that person is very meaningful to many parents."

O'Connor said some families are hesitant, but allow hospital officials to take the molds and store them so that they are available if parents ever want them in the future. She said some parents have called to retrieve the molds years after the child has died.

"I know what it is for me, and it may not be the same for someone else, but I just want others to have this available to them," Tretter said.

Next month, Tretter will be a father again. His wife, Cheryl, is expecting twins - a boy and a girl. The girl will be named Emma Caitlin to honor the sister she will never know. Tretter is admittedly excited and frightened.

"I know what happened to Caitlin is not hereditary, but in the back of my mind it's there," he said. "I don't want to be a carrier for something that promotes this wicked disease. It's just always been a fear."

<div class="infoBox"> <h1>More Coverage</h1> <div class="infoBoxContent"> <div class="infoArea"> <h2>Related links</h2> <ul class="moreWeb"> <li><a href="http://apps.facebook.com/causes/9510">Caitlin's Cause Facebook page </a></li> <li><a href="http://www.caitlinscause.org">Caitlin's Cause Web site </a></li> </ul> </div> </div> </div>