Suburban family adopts son, then decides to 'adopt' birth mom, too

It's a story of thanksgiving.

A story of reciprocal love. Two mothers of the same son. One mother gives. The other receives and gives back again.

Donna and Kerry Riemer shared their saga this week during Adoption Sunday at Alpine Chapel in Lake Zurich. The church's first adoption awareness event featured testimonies from thankful families.

The Riemers told of their adopted son's reunion with his birth mom and how she was then "adopted" by his family and the Alpine congregation.

The story began more than 30 years ago when Donna and Kerry were high school sweethearts. They had been dating for five years when Kerry was paralyzed in a diving accident in 1980. Their love triumphed over tragedy and the couple married four years later.

Kerry was placed on disability. They lived on Donna's salary as a home health care nurse and settled in Libertyville.

It was time to start a family, but his disability thwarted the chance for a pregnancy. They decided to adopt, but hit brick walls on the way.

"The fact that Kerry was in a wheelchair and not working was a huge negative for the adoption agencies," Donna Riemer said.

With the prayers of dozens of friends and after two years of trying, the Riemers finally adopted a 5-month-old girl.

"We named her Faith," Donna Riemer said. "For two years we had faith that God would come through and now we had Faith in our house."

A few years later, the Riemers adopted a baby boy. Billy joined the family in 1991.

The Riemers agreed early on the children would know they were adopted. "Our kids knew from the moment they could understand," Donna Riemer said. "We felt strongly about that."

The parents also decided if Faith or Billy wanted to find their birth mothers, that was OK, too.

Faith started the search when she turned 18. "Faith found her mom. She was living in Peoria. She was only 14 years older than Faith," Donna Riemer said. "They looked so much alike, it was scary. They could have been sisters."

Watching Faith connect with her birth mom, Billy felt compelled to do the same.

Billy found his mom this past summer, but in a condition none of the family expected. Just 52 years old, she was languishing in a South suburban nursing home.

Like Billy's adoptive dad, she was confined to a wheelchair. Like Billy's adoptive mom, her name was Donna.

Tragedy, twice

It was a chilly February night in 1980 when 22-year-old, Donna Balachowski was walking home from her job as a data entry clerk. Her recall is fuzzy, but Balachowski remembers headlights coming out of nowhere.

"I don't remember getting hit but woke up three days later seeing a heart monitor and realizing I was in traction," she said.

Balachowski was rammed by a truck. Hospitalized for four months, her pelvis was shattered. She lost 7 pints of blood at the scene. "I flat-lined during surgery," she said. "I wasn't supposed to live."

It took five years of therapy, but Balachowski finally ditched her crutches and cane. She was on the road to recovery when tragedy struck again.

Balachowski was raped by her ex-boyfriend in 1991. She conceived and refused her doctor's suggestion for an abortion. "I told him that if (he) wanted the baby dead, he would have to kill me first," she said.

The pregnancy proved devastating for Balachowski. Because of the injuries from the accident, the baby settled into an unnatural position, paralyzing her legs and creating numbness in her arms and hands.

Despite the new disabilities, Balachowski was determined to keep and raise her baby. But she got a dose of reality when she changed the first diaper. "It took me more than 10 minutes. My hands weren't working, my fingers were not moving right," she said. "I realized I couldn't do it. I knew right then it had to be adoption. For his sake, I had to give him up."

The Riemers said there was an "instant bonding" when Balachowski placed Billy into their hands.

In the years after Balachowski gave up Billy, her life got worse. She couldn't return to work, both her parents died, she was hospitalized multiple times and ended up in living in the nursing home.

New family, new life

Last summer, the Riemers began making regular visits, often taking Balachowski back home to Libertyville. Connecting with the family was having a positive impact on her health.

"She really flicked on and became alive," Donna Riemer said. "I knew that if we could get her out of that nursing home, she would thrive."

Riemer found a senior apartment complex in Woodstock. She would need some help, but Riemer believed Balachowski could live on her own.

The biggest problem is Balachowski had no personal belongings. If she was going to have her own place, she would need everything.

Riemer shared the need with the women at Alpine Chapel. The response was phenomenal, she said.

"We had the equivalent of a shower for Donna. From bar soap to drapes, people brought everything to make a house a home," Riemer said. "They gave furniture, dishes, lamps, a TV - it was amazing."

The Alpine women cleaned, painted and prepared the apartment. Balachowski moved in this fall.

Rimer said Balachowski's health is unbelievably better since she got out of the nursing home and into the apartment.

"She is off almost all her pain pills and walking so much better. It's remarkable," she said.

Balachowski said she feels like she's been adopted by the Riemers. "I am so overwhelmed by the love of these people," she said. "I don't know where I would be if it weren't for Donna and Kerry and Billy."

For the Riemers, it's an understatement to say the feelings are mutual. The gift of a son has been just as overwhelming.

"She gave us life and we feel like we've tried to give her life back."