Time to pay tribute to woeful underachievers

I was always an underachiever in school.

B's. That was my goal. Just get B's.

And not just any B, but the 80.000 percent, do-as-little-as-humanly-possible B.

I mean, what was the point in working your tail off going for the A, only to finish with an 88 average and getting the same grade as the mope who finished with the 80.000? Right. No point.

So, in honor of my underachieving ways, I'd like to pay tribute to roughly a dozen mopes who are infuriating fantasy football owners after a quarter of the NFL season. Here they are, with grades in tow, and their prospects for gaining regular admittance in our fantasy lineups:

• QB Tom Brady. Preseason rank: 2. Grade: B-. Here is the epitome of barely skating by. Brady has 5 total TDs and one 300-yard game for the Patriots, meaning he's been very 80.000-like. But you didn't draft Brady for a 20-TD season. You want 30, 34, 38. Prognosis: He's unlikely to hit the 30-TD plateau, but watch for improvement to come.

• QB Kurt Warner. Preseason rank: 4. Grade: C. Four interceptions in three games, Kurt? Pretty bad. And how about remembering that Larry Fitzgerald is on your team? Thanks. Prognosis: As long as he stays healthy, Warner should be in for a great season. Arizona has some real cream puffs on the schedule, especially in the fantasy playoffs (at Detroit in Week 15, vs. St. Louis in Week 16).

• QB Tony Romo. Preseason rank: 5. Grade: D. Romo's last two games: No touchdowns and 2 turnovers. That's Marc Bulger territory, folks. Prognosis: As I wrote last week, Romo is a shell of his former self. Expect it to continue, except in truly favorable matchups (like this week when the Cowboys visit KC).

• RB Michael Turner. Preseason rank: 2. Grade: C. Mr. 16 touchdowns of a year ago has scored twice, but he also has 65 and 56 rushing yards in two of Atlanta's three games, and he lost a fumble. Prognosis: He'll have some big games. Stay patient.

• RB DeAngelo Williams. Preseason rank: 4. Grade: D+. Carolina's a mess and it's not helping Williams (2 TDs, 60.0 rushing ypg). Prognosis: Maybe that torrid stretch when Williams ripped off 20 TDs over the last 12 weeks of 2008 was a mirage. Next few weeks will tell a lot.

• RB Matt Forte. Preseason rank: 5. Grade: D+. Well, that was an awfully nice game in the Bears' win over the Lions (121 yards, TD), but everybody gets well against Detroit. Forte is flirting with the definition of a sophomore slump. Prognosis: He'll bounce back, but I don't see more than 9 TDs this season.

• RB LaDainian Tomlinson. Preseason rank: 6. Grade: F. If this were college, we'd kick LT out. He's just not cutting it for the Chargers. Prognosis: Flatlining. Unless he shows us something after the bye, Tomlinson may have bust of the year honors wrapped up by Week 6.

• RB Brian Westbrook. Preseason rank: 7. Grade: D-. I had a chance to get Westbrook in the second round of a draft but declared, "I do not want Brian Westbrook!" (I took Kurt Warner instead to pair him up with Larry Fitzgerald. And yes, all three of them are in this article). Prognosis: The Eagles will monitor his workload the rest of the season. He'll put up some great games, but also some 50- to 60-yard stinkers.

• RB Steve Slaton. Preseason rank: 9. Grade: D+. Slaton owners were pulling their hair out the first three weeks, and last week (2 TDs) was nice, but can he keep it up? Prognosis: Slaton is a dynamic back, but production will remain spotty until Texans coach Gary Kubiak gives him a chance on the goal line - and it would help if he stopped fumbling!

• WR Larry Fitzgerald. Preseason rank: 3. Grade: C-. The 2 touchdowns are nice, but his yardage totals are too low. Prognosis: Fitzgerald told The Arizona Republic he definitely is not playing like last season. He said he'd "bust his hump" to return to that level. Things should pick up.

• WR Roddy White. Preseason rank: 4. Grade: F. We went out on a limb with White before the season because he had hauled in an amazing 171 passes for 2,584 yards. He'd just signed a big contract, and Falcons QB Matt Ryan is in his second season. Well, thanks a lot, Roddy. Our plate of crow is ready. Prognosis: This guy's too good not to have some monster games. Be patient.

• WR Steve Smith. Preseason rank: 10. Grade: D. That 131-yard game for the Panthers was nice. But 21 and 38? We don't expect that out of our studs. Prognosis: Smith has basically turned into Santana Moss where you get some huge games but plenty of duds. Keep him in your lineup because you don't want to miss the 2-3 explosions that are sure to come.

• TE Greg Olsen. Preseason rank: 5. Grade: D. We envisioned a 70-catch, 8-TD season from the Bears' Olsen, and while he is on pace for those 8 touchdowns, he only has 10 receptions for 94 yards. Prognosis: It'll get better, but he won't finish in the top 7 among TEs. He currently sits in 18th.

My teams: Almost a clean sweep, but Tony Romo cost me a victory in my unit league by not throwing a TD pass late in Dallas' loss to Denver. That team is 0-4 after a 49-45 loss. My other two teams look strong, however, as I erupted in my regular league (2-2) with a 148-point week, and I won 112-96 in the DH experts league to move to 4-0.

Good bets

• Eagles QB Donovan McNabb vs. Tampa Bay. Each of the four QBs to face the Bucs has thrown for at least 2 TDs passes - and that includes Trent Edwards and Jason Campbell. McNabb should explode this week.

• Broncos RB Knowshon Moreno vs. New England. The last three weeks, he has averaged 17.3 carries per game, a number that will go up with Correll Buckhalter out. A 100-yard day is a strong possibility.

Bad bets

• Patriots QB Tom Brady at Denver. Welcome, Mr. Brady to the Bad Bets. It's lonely here, isn't it? You can earn a lifetime pass out of this category by doing two things this week: 1) Start playing like TOM BRADY. I mean, 5 TDs in four games? C'mon. And 2) solving a Broncos defense that has yet to allow a passing touchdown this season. You're on the clock.

• Jets RB Thomas Jones at Miami. The Dolphins allow a paltry 61 yards per game on the ground.

jdietz@dailyherald.com

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