Lingerie football in Hoffman Estates? Women's advances are ... gone

The Sears Centre Arena in Hoffman Estates bills itself as a "family entertainment, cultural and sports" venue. It's easy to see how upcoming events such as Cirque du Soleil Saltimbanco (family), the Elgin Symphony Orchestra (culture) and the Notre Dame Shillelagh Hockey Tournament (sports) fill the bill.

But under what category do you put the Lingerie Football League, where eight teams of attractive young women play football while wearing their undies?

"Entertainment," says Jeff Bowen, president of the Sears Centre Arena, "and sports for that matter, too. The game is played with regular rules and the girls play seven-on-seven, full-tackle football."

In bras, panties, helmets, shoulder pads and garters.

That new league kicks off Sept. 4 at the Sears Centre with the "Ultimate Catfight Tailgate" party. A catfight generally qualifies as culture, family entertainment or sport only if your family includes Hef.

"That's what they're calling it," Bowen says, assuring that there is no actual catfight. "It's marketing."

I understand marketing. The accompanying photo of women in bras and panties is why this column will lure more readers than I drew with Tuesday's better column about monk parakeets. That doesn't make it right.

In 2008, we saw women make advances as role models. Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin got this close to the White House. In 2009, we'll get to see the lingerie ladies of the Chicago Bliss tackle women's issues and push 'em back, push 'em back, way back.

The Lingerie Football League is an offshoot of the Lingerie Bowl - a pay-per-view cable TV event that originally ran during halftime of the 2004 Super Bowl. Ironically, guys who paid $19.95 to watch models play football in the Lingerie Bowl didn't see any nudity in that game, while those of us who sat through the lame Super Bowl halftime show on free TV got a peek at Janet Jackson's breast.

"We are incredibly honored to have been chosen as the home of the Chicago Bliss," reads the official statement from Bowen, who expands my definition of an incredible honor.

"They prefer to play in the suburbs," Bowen adds, noting that the pay-per-view Lingerie Bowls have sold better in more affluent, suburban neighborhoods.

Bowen and I both know the score. Suspecting he won't be buying his 14-year-old daughter official team gear such as San Diego Seduction underwear, I ask Bowen what lingerie football says about how we portray women?

"It says to me that you guys are trying to make something out of nothing," Bowen counters, noting that (unlike me) he "decided a long time ago I wasn't going to be the moral conscience of the community."

I suspect the Lingerie Football League is akin to the Chicago Bears' playoff hopes -- fun to talk about, but no good reason to expect any honest-to-god football games to come of it. I could see this league folding before the first "groin pull" joke, or as soon as its Web site sells enough "I drafted a tight end" T-shirts ($24), LFL Beer Pong Tables ($275) and posters of a muddy, topless woman coyly covering her goodies with her taped hand as she wears a frilly choker, garter and towel in the shower ($26). She's a linebacker.

The LFL is not to be confused with the Independent Women's Football League, where female athletes wear full football uniforms and play real football. The Dallas Diamonds, who employ a 314-pound defensive tackle, won the 2008 championship by beating the Chicago Force behind five touchdowns from 206-pound running back Jessica Springer.

"So these girls are in better shape and better-looking," Bowen says of the lingerie players. "Is that something to hold against them?"

My e-mails to Chicago Bliss defensive back Tiffany DeLuca of Barrington went unanswered by my deadline, probably because the only thing ickier than a 50-year-old guy on Facebook e-mailing a young stranger in her lingerie would be for her to write back. Not yet born when the Bears won Super Bowl XX, DeLuca is 5-feet-7 and 115 pounds according to her "stats" sheet. Her photo shows a lot of skin, and makes it obvious that DeLuca really worked on her upper body during the off season.

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