Marriages usually don't just fall apart (or blow up) without warning.

I was listening to an "oldies" station the other day when out blared that rock 'n' roll classic "Chip, Chip" by the great Gene McDaniels.

Who?

OK, even for those of us who grew up on rock 'n' roll, neither the song nor the artist are particularly memorable (and that's assuming we'd even heard of either).

What caught my attention were the words to McDaniel's song. He describes a marriage in which "he," despite his love for his wife, consistently let her down. Oh, not in any big way. He forgot an anniversary, failed to notice a new dress, spent a few too many nights with the guys, had a "little" affair (as though there is such a thing).

Each time the singer did so, he now realizes, he slowly but surely chipped away at the foundation of love on which their marriage was built (and thus the title to the song). And, not too surprisingly, sooner or later the foundation is so weakened that the relationship itself begins to fall apart. His wife's hurt and anger, and his unwillingness to deal with the ramifications of his behavior, were more than their foundation of love could hold.

I don't know that much about Gene McDaniels, but he certainly knew something about marriages (though evidently not much about song writing, I'm afraid, but that's not our point). Most of the troubled marriages I become involved with as a marriage and family therapist fit the scenario he describes.

Marriages usually don't just fall apart (or blow up) without warning. Most likely there have been a whole series of unresolved issues and problems that have been allowed to build up over the years. Whether it is out of ignorance, fear or a simple lack of knowing how, we simply don't make the effort necessary to deal with these minor cracks in our relational foundation.

Chip, chip. Sooner or later we look at the person sitting across the breakfast table from us and wonder just what we're doing. Things are crumbling, and we can't deny it anymore.

Tempting as it may be, that's not the time to give up. It is the time to assess whether our foundation can be repaired or shored up. Usually it can. It will take awareness, courage and learning some new skills. But it is probably worth the effort. Take it from Gene McDaniels.

(Oh, if I have offended any die-hard Gene McDaniel fans, my apologies. Who knows, maybe he went on to become a top-notch marriage and family therapist.)

• The Rev. Ken Potts is a pastoral counselor and marriage and family therapist with Samaritan Interfaith Counseling Centers, Naperville and Downers Grove.