This camp more fantasy than mini

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Halasphere in lovely Lake Forest, Ill.

The Chicago Bears football team has commenced on this St. Patrick's Day what is known in the NFL as minicamp.

The first thing you will notice is how serene the scene is. Sphere temperatures always are in the 70s, a gentle breeze always blows, and criticism is light-years away on Planet Earth.

In here the Bears are going to win the Super Bowl. In here all players are all-pro. In here urgency is a four-letter word.

In March in here this is a sports nirvana, sort of a football fantasy camp.

Sir, you in the back with your hand up, do you have a question before we proceed?

"Yes, I was just wondering, didn't any of the McCaskeys utter a disparaging word when they learned that President Obama nominated Steelers owner Dan Rooney to be U.S. Ambassador to Ireland?"

Not even that, my friend, could disturb the tranquillity within the Sphere. I doubt they heard the news anyway above the birds chirping and players humming on this glorious springlike afternoon.

Anyway, now you are overlooking the practice field where the Bears - er, yes, ma'am, I see that you also have a question.

"Which player is Jay Cutler, the quarterback I keep hearing about? Is he No. 18? I believe that was his number in Denver before the Bears traded for him."

Jay Cutler still is with the Broncos. The No. 18 out on the Halasphere field is Kyle Orton, the Bears' quarterback.

"Oh, my mistake. It's just that I have heard so much about Mr. Cutler around here lately that I was certain he was with the Bears. Don't they want him?"

That's another outstanding question, and here comes head coach Lovie Smith to answer it.

"I can't say anything about it. He's a Denver Bronco. Kyle Orton is our quarterback. I feel good about Kyle."

Thank you for the insight, coach. We'll let you get back to coordinating the defense.

Moving on, over there is - young man, you're giggling and whispering to your sister. Do you have something you want to say to the entire group?

"Not really, except that listening to Coach Smith talk about his quarterback, I can see why you call this a fantasy camp."

OK, we'll just ignore that comment - remember, no disparaging words in the Halasphere - and move on to where the offense is practicing.

"Wait! Wait! I have a question. Me, back here, I was just wondering, which players out there are the free agents the Bears signed to play wide receiver?"

I don't know, but fortunately Coach Smith is nearby again to address your curiosity.

"What receivers are you talking about?"

Coach, I believe the visitor is referring to the T.J. guy with the long name who went from Cincinnati to Seattle and the Jet who went from New York to Cincinnati and -

"We take our time. We have a plan with our guys. Let it play out."

People, you heard the coach. The Bears have a plan. In the Sphere, plans always work out just as everybody plans them to.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, that concludes today's tour. Thanks for coming and experiencing Halasphere football.

Truly a fantasy camp, wouldn't you agree?

mimrem@dailyherald.com