Grief & healing: This is what really happened this year

Well, Independence Day happened and it was a little different experience than what I expected. I’ve been thinking about it since the Fourth.

Oh, the flags and the fire trucks came by as usual in the annual parade, but my reaction was not the same.

But this is what really happened. This year, as I sat on the front porch waving, I had very strong visions of my dear Baheej, who died 13 years ago. Strange how those sensations happen.

In the vision, Baheej was planting rose bushes out by the garage lamp post and in front of the house, as he always did this time of time of year. And then he was lighting the barbecue grill to make steaks for midday dinner — the same things we did for years on the Fourth.

When we were young, we always had a barbecue grill in the trunk and found a scenic place to grill a nice meal. Usually lamb steaks. Just a simple charcoal grill on which he cooked the most delicious meal. Life was simple. Wonderful memories.

This year I bought two steaks for old times, but actually did not cook them. Froze them for another time.

After the parade, I did go to the Sleepy Hollow Fourth of July festival in the park, but didn’t stay long. My favorite band, The Lennys, was playing. Great as always. Huge crowd with children and people of all ages. Lots of food and milling about.

But I think I need to rethink how I’m doing holidays going forward. Things just don’t seem the same as in years past.

The point is: As the years roll on, it’s worth reflecting on what is the best approach to celebrating our holidays. Maybe it’s time for some new activities and traditions.

Anyway, I’m going to do that. The local fireworks were delayed one day this year because of a thunderstorm. Even though the trees have grown high, blocking some of the view from my front porch, I could still see the high-in-sky rocket ones.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.