Kharasch: Split the check, not your friendships

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Maybe you’re back at work and lunching with colleagues, making Valentine’s Day reservations (it’s not too early!) or enjoying a quiet night out with friends after the holiday craziness.

When your server brings the check, though, that relaxed atmosphere might suddenly tense up as people think about what they ate, what they drank, whether they had a dessert — and how much of the bill they’re on the hook for.

If splitting the bill is making you feel like you’re paying too much — or your friends aren’t chipping in enough — here are some strategies to consider.

• Ask the server to prepare separate checks.

This is the surefire way to pay for what you ate and drank without getting out a calculator. Not all restaurants have a policy allowing for separate checks, though, so be sure to ask when making a reservation. Then, before ordering, politely request separate checks of the server.

Servers don’t mind preparing separate checks typically, especially if the party is smallish and they’re not too busy. But a restaurant may not like it because they won’t be able to collect that “20% gratuity added for parties of six or more.”

• Plan ahead.

Communication ahead of time is the key to good etiquette. If you’re a teetotaler going out with friends who drink wine, ask the table before ordering, “Hey, I wonder how we’re going to split this up. Any ideas?” Or, “If it’s OK with you, I’m going to ask for a separate check.”

When we go with friends, we try to get to the table a little early and ask the server to split the bill. It works out great and we don't have to mention it in front of the others and everyone is happy.

• Split the food bill evenly and have the drinkers leave the tip.

These days, the going rate for tips is north of 15%, while 20% or 25% is not unheard of either. If you’re tipping 20% on a $400 dinner bill for six people, that’s $80 that the four people who had cocktails or wine can split among themselves.

• Be the host.

If you organized the restaurant get-together, and you can afford it (obviously), play the host to avoid fighting over the bill.

Here is a lesson I learned from my older brother who, when it comes to paying the bill can be very sneaky. We all plan on splitting the check only to find out that at the beginning of the meal my brother gave the server his credit card, told her to run it at the end of the meal and to put on a 22% tip. When we received no check, my brother revealed the check had been paid … his treat!

If you’re on the receiving end of such generosity, be sure to show thanks.

• Split the credit card payments, not the check.

Ahead of time, agree with your friends that you will split the check and let the server know there will be multiple payments.

When the check comes, address the server and say, “I’m covering these two meals and these drinks.” When the server brings the credit card slip for you to sign, add a generous tip.

• Maybe you’ve developed your own tips and techniques for check-splitting. Share them by writing to me at izzy@hospitalityworks.com.