Jim O'Donnell: Game-by-game point spreads say the '23 Bears should finish … better
IN AN ERA WITH A MORE AND MORE SOPHISTICATED "MADDEN" and legal sports gambling on just about every facet of the NFL, why even bother playing the regular season?
Have live fans show up for gourmet tailgating and let the stay-at-homes savor brain-draining beer, car and fast food commercials. Those ads would serve as prime fillers until the weekly illusioning that is the poof-zappo of game-by-game final scores.
Point spreads are already available for all 272 games of the 2023 season.
Spoiler dessert: If all lines were to hold up and only favorites win - and that's as assured as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez winning the 2024 Republican presidential nomination - the Bears will finish 6-11.
MATT EBERFLUS AND MINIONS will open 2-0 with wins over visiting Green Bay (Bears -2½) and at Tampa Bay (Bears
-1½).
But after that, the autumn winds blow cruel. Justin Fields and buck dancers will wade through a long stretch to a bye in Week 13 with 8 losses in the next 10 games.
They are favored over only two Soldier Field visitors in that span - Jimmy Garoppolo and the Raiders (-1 on October 22) and the Panthers (-2 on Thursday night, November 9).
VEGAS PROJECTIONISTS THEN SAY they'll take that 4-8 mark and zigzag through the holiday weeks 2-3, beating only the cascading Cardinals (Bears -4½) and the faltering Falcons (Bears -2).
The 6-11 close would prompt most compliant fanboys to note that Ryan Poles and Co, doubled the 2022 win total of 3 and that Luke Getsy, indeed, may be the second coming of Ed Hughes, the forgotten offensive coordinator of Mike Ditka's mythic Super Bowl 20 Bears.
According to Bill Adee and his midnight writers at DraftKings/Vegas Stats and Info (vsin.com), the Bears are +350 to win the NFC-North, 30-1 to win the NFC and 50-1 to win Super Bowl 58.
THAT NFC NORTH NUMBER makes them a co-second choice in the division, behind only the Lions (+110). NFL Detroit has not been as electric since Alex Karras was bartending and covering bets from Teamsters and fellow Greeks at the old Lindell AC.
The Vikings are also +350, despite the fact few yet believe a Kirk Cousins team actually finished 13-4 last year. Jordan Love and the Packers are the division's longest shot at +500.
Intriguing wager once more numbers are out is on Barrington's Lukas Van Ness as NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year for Green Bay.
It's not exactly a cloaked Michael Jordan-Dean Smith thing. But it wouldn't seem to be a risky suggestion that the fluid and ferocious Van Ness will only be even better away from the constant competitive confusion of Kirk Ferentz and Iowa.
THE FIRST "REAL" KICKOFF is four months away.
But from "Madden" to shining AOC, the speculative windows are open.
Now it's merely time for America to get down, get down.
STREET-BEATIN':
Hard reality for White Sox fans: It's now a much better story if The Fail Hose chase the 40-120 mark of Casey Stengel's 1962 expansion Mets than make any further attempt to run with the Mid-Major herd in the AL-Central. A classic Reinsdorfian move to kind of counter the downspin would be to mike Steve Stone in the dugout as pitching coach and TV analyst. ...
David Grening of The Daily Racing Form reports that the next start for Two Phil's could be the $400,000 Matt Winn back at Churchill Downs on Sunday, June 11. The mile-and-one-sixteenth Grade 3 makes perfect sense at a track where the Kentucky Derby runner-up has flourished. ...
Crusty Mitch Rosen of WSCR-AM (670) must speed-dial "Under My Thumb" for one downtown media nudnik. Relentlessly sunny print propaganda for the struggling "Score" has been prompting gales of laughter from industry sharpies. Parent Audacy was again trading for 11 cents per share on the NYSE Friday. Those stock certificates may soon be given away as fill-up premiums at Speedways. ...
ESPN's Kevin Weekes diluted the drama when the NHL Draft Lottery was down to three teams earlier this week. Before a late commercial break, he said that Columbus would be picking third. That left only the Blackhawks and the Ducks and no one on West Madison Street was complaining. Now all presumptive new Hawk Connor Bedard has to do is resurrect a dormant franchise in a single bound. ...
Biggest joke of the NBA season was the failure to place Denver's Nikola Jokic on the All-Leagure first team. He's now on the very shortlist for most likely Finals MVP. The NBA masters of muck are saying the system will be corrected next year with the top five players regardless of implied position comprising the golden quintet. ...
And Bo Jackson, who has been suffering from unremitting hiccups since last July, told media: "I have done everything - scare me, drink water upside down, smelled the (southern side) of a porcupine and nothing has worked."
• Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears Sunday and Thursday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com. All communications may be considered for publication.