O'Donnell: Why Bears plus-7 ½ might merit a baby bet in the season opener vs. San Francisco
THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LOTTERY full steams into its five months of annual sensory magic this weekend.
To paraphrase Frank Zappa, America will drink, bet and go home.
Millions of baby gamblers will find out the hard way that all of the putt-putt in those Paige Spiranac come-ons won't deliver them into positive wagering "Jeopardy!"
It's a fool's paradise and nothing is more foolish than trying to beat the NFL in Week 1.
What is mildly notable on the tote board is that of the 14 games being played on Sunday, nine list road teams as favorites.
That includes the Niners, who roll into Soldier Field as roughly touchdown chalks over Matt Eberflus and the Bears (FOX, noon; with Joe Davis, Moose Johnston and Pam Oliver on the call).
THAT LINE OPENED at 6½. It's since moved to 7. If it edges to 7½ in the final hours before kickoff, Justin Fields and the fresh and unknown Staleys are a wading-pool play.
The reason for that?
Close to fifty years ago, in a marvelously done book by Larry Merchant titled "The National Football Lottery" (all due literary thievery noted), he put forth an enduring article of blind faith:
When in doubt, always bet against the money ... especially when you get that extra half-point off a prime number.
Ten U.S. presidents and one Queen of England later, nothing has changed.
It remains a jungle out there.
***
On the topic of bungling in the jungle, the Bears administration completed a most curious eight days of warm-potatoing with the big meeting at Hersey High School in Arlington Heights Thursday night.
Most notable was the low attendance. Fewer than 1,000 people turned out to hear George McCaskey, Ted Phillips and a few hired hands say very little that they hadn't announced already.
Two critical sources of advance notice included appearances by McCaskey and Phillips on the weekly WBBM, 780-AM "Bears Coaches Show" Monday night and a news release on Tuesday.
McCaskey's quote of the week came on the radio show / podcast when he said: "We're concerned that people think the project is farther along than it is."
OK, GIVEN THAT, why then did he and associates shoot themselves in the moving football Tuesday with the suggestion that they will need governmental assistance to get the non-stadium acreage at Arlington Park redeveloped?
Doesn't Mr. McCaskey have a friend, staffer or seasoned consultant who could have cautioned:
"Hey George. This meeting is us first-and-10 at the 25. Let's emphasize nothing but the positive, begin to sell the happy sizzle and not go near anything that might incite more negative public attention?"
Apparently not.
As has been written before, McCaskey is an earnest fellow who originally set out to be a TV news reporter. He is also without question a loving, dutiful son.
He just needs an imaging poet - for $600,000 or so - who will navigate him through the waves of daunting turbulence certain to come as the Bears possible drive to Arlington Park trods on.
STREET-BEATIN':
The idea that Tony La Russa is returning to mismanage the White Sox isn't merely a threat - it's cause for dancing in the streets in Cleveland and Minnesota. If there were such a thing as balloting for Manager of the Year in the AL-Central, the interim Miguel "S-O-S" Cairo would receive more votes than The Sleepy Senor. ...
While the enduring Hub Arkush continues his battle back from a "medical emergency," son Arthur Arkush is filling in on the NBCSCH's syndicated "Pro Football Weekly." Other panelists include: host Pat Boyle, Dan Hampton and Dave Wannstedt. (Jim Kezios and Hub Arkush have partnered on the show since 1986.) ...
The supremely personable Wannstedt, incidentally, has also replaced the Hawaiian punch of Olin Kreutz on NBCSCH's postgame Bears shows. ...
The end of their WNBA championship defense by Candace Parker and the Chicago Sky once again underscores that women's professional basketball continues to be treated as a second-class citizen. As Waylon Jennings meant to sing, the bleed of this whole pro hoops thing into summer has done got out of hand. ...
To help mark its 125th anniversary, DePaul University is spotlighting select alumni as "125 Faces of DePaul." Among those from the sports sector are: Dave Corzine, Allie Quigley, Jeannie Ponsetto, Terry Cummings and Doug Bruno. ...
The pricey debut of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman in ESPN's "Monday Night Football" booth has a very '90s feel to it. Sort of like hearing that Alanis Morissette and Blues Traveler are trying to get a tour together. ...
And Phil Mushnick - the Jester of Queens - on some hot cross buns: "Report that in conjunction with the start of the NFL season, President Biden will forgive all PSL debts."
• Jim O'Donnell's Sports and Media column appears Sunday and Thursday. Reach him at jimodonnelldh@yahoo.com.