Constable: Traumatic life leads to healing journey for author from Elk Grove

The tumultuous engagement between Gabby Petito and fiance Brian Laundrie ended with her death in Grand Teton National Park, and it has some people wondering why she stayed in the relationship.

"You just can't up and leave. It's not that simple," says HelenMarie Majer McCracken, a 45-year-old Elk Grove Village native and one of 10 women telling their stories in a new book. A sequel to the award-winning book by Alisa Divine, "#SheWins 2: Stories and Photographs of Women who Survived Domestic Abuse" is available on Amazon just in time for Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October.

"There's a network of us. We're more than survivors. We're thrivers," McCracken says. "Everybody is trying to give back, because together, we are stronger."

Officials are still searching for Laundrie, who returned alone Sept. 1 to the home he shared with Petito and his parents. His family reported last seeing him on Sept. 14, five days before Petito's body was discovered. While officials haven't said what happened, the case has fueled discussions about domestic violence.

McCracken and her son and daughter moved to Arizona in 2017 to escape her abusive ex-husband. She became an advocate for victims of domestic violence and child abuse and started a Facebook page and nonprofit charity, HM3 Advocate at hm3.me, to help others heal from the damage inflicted by domestic violence.

"This is my mission and passion," says McCracken, who adds that she now is in a healthy and loving relationship with another man, who treats her children and her well.

A 1993 graduate of Elk Grove High School, McCracken was president of the parent-teacher organization for her son's and daughter's school and seemed to have an ideal life. But the problems worsened.

"It starts with emotional and psychological abuse," she says, saying her then-husband was a narcissist, as are many abusers who slowly take control of their victims. "They groom you. It's a push-pull. They accidentally slap you, and they're sorry and promise it won't happen again."

McCracken endured punches and broken bones before she made the decision to seek a divorce in 2013.

"He came at me with a baseball bat, threatening to kill me, and that was the end of it," she says. "Once the abused knows he is losing control of you, he snaps. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they are leaving."

In 2016, seven months after her divorce was final, her children said they also had been abused, and McCracken received help from the Children's Advocacy Center of North and Northwest Cook County.

She remembers feeling that she failed as a mother, which was the most important part of her life.

"I thought my life was over. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I felt worthless, hopeless," McCracken says. "When you are giving something your all and you fail, that's just a very big shock."

That wasn't the first trauma in McCracken's life. She was born addicted to heroin, and her biological father was murdered the following month. She says her older brother raped her when she was 5 years old.

"I'm the picture of complex trauma," McCracken says, adding her personal philosophy. "Be kind."

She says she developed a great relationship with her mom, who got off drugs and married a man who became a good stepfather. McCracken says her mother, who died in 2016 two days after her 67th birthday, was her best friend.

It took a couple of years before McCracken began her healing journey.

"The tears will flow, your heart will ache, and the pain may seem unbearable," she writes.

She learned all she could about domestic violence, read self-help books about holistic and spiritual methods of healing, practiced meditation and yoga, became certified in several holistic healing practices, read the Bible, and forgave the abusers in her life.

"Breaking the cycle of abuse begins first by breaking the silence," says McCracken. "This is the mission God put me on, to empower and help guide others to their healing. It's the most liberating, empowering thing you could do to come out on the other side."