The importance of a 'circle of friends'

A few months ago I went through one of those periods when there were more than a few times where staying in bed all day sure sounded like a good option.

I didn't. And one of the reasons was that I had a group of three or four friends who made it their business to check in on me every so often and just ask, "How ya doing?"

Sometimes their inquiries led to a detailed recounting of my dilemma. Other times my response was a simple, "I'm still standing."

In retrospect, what was most important was the fact they called and they asked. That simple reality was enough to keep me going.

Now, I am a much better giver of care than I am a receiver. In fact, I can get downright uncomfortable when I even suspect I might be asking just a little too much of my friends. So it is to their credit that they didn't let me sidestep their questions or downplay my struggles.

I also came to realize that our conversations really weren't as one sided as I feared. Though more often than not my particular issues took priority, we also found ourselves effortlessly and naturally shifting the conversation to what was going on in their lives as well.

I always knew they would listen as long as I needed them to, but they also paid me the compliment of sharing with me as well.

As things settled down in my life, we found that the balance of our conversations shifted. In a couple of instances we talked almost entirely about what they were dealing with in their lives. And it felt right - now I could be there for them the way they were there for me.

Life is hard. And as independent and self-sufficient as we might think we are, there will be times all of us need someone to lean on, perhaps even someone to carry us for awhile. Those very same people inevitably will need us in return. It always works both ways.

And, to be honest, it feels good both ways. Giving to our friends can be just as rewarding as receiving from them. I guess we might say that we receive in giving.

I believe that one of the most important and rewarding things we can do in life is to build a circle of friends who will give to us when we are in need, and receive from us when they are.

Commit the time and energy it takes to finding and nurturing such friendships. Take the risk of giving the gift of yourself. Share with your friends the good times and the bad. And accept that same gift from them when they offer it to you. You will likely never regret it.

• Dr. Ken Potts is on the staff of Samaritan Counseling Center in Naperville and Downers Grove. He is the author of "Mix Don't Blend, A Guide to Dating, Engagement and Remarriage With Children."