Imrem: L.A. Bears? Warming up to the thought
Something had to steer Tuesday's conversation away from Brian Urlacher's new hair.
How about we start a rumor that the Bears submitted an application to relocate to Los Angeles?
That at least would solve the mystery of why Bears general manager Ryan Pace was so upbeat at his season-ending news conference.
The Bears did finish last in the NFC North, didn't they? Yet the Bears' general manager still was really excited, wasn't he?
It was like he knew something we don't … like he just learned that the McCaskeys submitted papers to flee to Los Angeles.
Remember, even a cold winter out there is warmer than a warm winter here.
It wouldn't be surprising if each of the NFL's 32 teams desired to fill the vacancy in L.A., along with Ohio State, Loyola Academy and an unspecified middle-school powerhouse.
Seriously, do you think it's crazy to think the Bears really would move out west?
Crazy to think that the Bears would surrender all the easy money in Chicago for all the uncertainty in Los Angeles?
Crazy to envision all McCaskey family members in sandals and tank tops while sipping umbrella drinks in January?
I thought so, too, until my imaginary source whispered imaginary scenarios.
This is the same guy who told me last week that Urlacher would grow imaginary hair, so I'm not discounting the possibility that the McCaskeys could be imaginary relocaters.
The three known applicants - Rams, Raiders and Chargers - openly filed for relocation to L.A. on Monday morning.
Nobody knows for sure how many of them will be awarded moving permits, but we do know that the NFL likes money enough to accept relocation fees from all applicants.
Three is such an odd number that they need the Bears to make a perfect foursome.
What a great division the "NFC L.A." would be for the McCaskeys, considering none of the other three finished above .500 this season either.
Another 6-10 record for the Bears might be good enough to finish in first place and earn a playoff bye.
So now you're thinking that Chicago would be lost without the Bears even though they have made the postseason only once in nine years.
Not to worry.
The "Bears" name would stay here - like the "Browns" in Cleveland - and the franchise would be rebranded the "Los Angeles McCaskeys."
The imaginary blueprint calls for the Raiders and Chargers to share a new stadium in Carson, California, while the Rams and McCaskeys settle near LAX in Inglewood.
(The Ram-McCaskey digs would be on the former Hollywood Park racetrack grounds, so fitting considering the Bears should have relocated to Arlington Park long ago.)
Think of how much better Jay Cutler would appear to be while sharing a stadium with Rams quarterback Nick Foles.
Chicago wouldn't go as long without a pro football team as the decades it took Los Angeles to replace the two it lost.
My imaginary source insists that the NFL will mass-expand within three years to Istanbul, Düsseldorf, Greater Siberia and Hoffman Estates.
With new ownership and the old name, the reincarted Bears wouldn't go five straight seasons without qualifying for the playoffs.
Be honest now: None of this sounds so crazy anymore, does it?
Except maybe for the part about Mike McCaskey flip-flopping on Venice Beach in a tank top.
Oh, one last thing: What was Brian Urlacher thinking?
mimrem@dailyherald.com